Friday, October 16, 2009

Every Day is a Winding Road

I'm grateful that the weekend is here. I'm ready to rest. Probably won't get the chance to sleep in. There's no mercy past 6 am at our house. I've been feeling sick off and on this week and I'm really hoping that I don't have a parasite...but there's a good chance that I will probably pick one up at some point and will bring it with me in December. I looked up symptoms of having parasites online and it wasn't helpful at all. It was one of those lists that said things like itchy nose, stomach pain, headache....things that I encounter everyday here, haha.

I'm not really sure what to write, I've had so many thoughts swirling in my mind this week and I'm not really sure where to begin to sort them out. Coming into this semester I knew there were going to be hard, frustrating, and confusing moments but I put it in the back of my mind. I know I'm only here 4 months, but when you try to live in a new culture it's not all happy faces and smiles. It truly is a roller coaster but I feel like I'm learning things that I couldn't have learned by staying in my bubble in the U.S. Last night I found myself so frustrated with things and as I tried to sleep all I could do was cry. Sometimes I feel like I let my host-family down because I'm not picking up on Luganda very quickly and because I'm not as spunky and charming as some of the past girls they've hosted that I hear stories about a lot. It felt good to let it all out and to pray being completely real with God.

Even though I get frustrated at times and feel inadequate, I know it's all worth it. I'm learning to be comfortable with who I am. I'm learning that I'm more introverted than I previously thought, that I don't fully understand how much I need God, and that there are things about me that don't change despite my location. My role may look a little different within my family context, but at the heart of it all I'm still me. I can't fill the role of a past girl because I'm not that person. I'm a work in progress and I have so much to learn, but I do know more than I did just 2 months ago.

There are still days when being in Uganda seems unreal and I wonder what I'm doing here. But I'm reminded that I don't know the big picture but I get to see little pieces of it at a time. My realization of my need for God has been made so much more obvious in this new setting. I'm learning that people are people no matter where you go. They are never meant to be your "project" no matter how in need they may be. I'm realizing that my love for the elderly and for babies doesn't have borders. I'm learning that I don't always have to have something to say, but that just being present is what really matters.

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