Saturday, December 13, 2008

It crazy amazing how God can use the pain of others to prepare someone else for what's to come. Little did I know that God was using my friend's dad's funeral to prepare me for another death just 3 days later. My grandpa passed away. It's hard to type that and hard to think about. But it is amazing to see how God evidenced himself through that whole of week craziness. I've never seen my family shaken that much to the core before nor have I seen such raw grief.

Some of the moments from that week are ingrained in my mind. I can see them so clearly. I'll never forget sitting on the edge of my grandpa's hospital bed holding his hands while he labored to breathe. Or how he said, "Hi hon" and "I love you too." I can still hear the sound of the doctor's voice when he gave my family "the talk" later that night in the ICU. I can vividly remember the ICU room and looking at my grandpa in the bed. That week helped me to appreciate and value my family like I never have before.

In the midst of all the hurt, I can't deny how great God is. I know God took my grandpa at just the right time. I know God allowed my uncle to make it all the way from Georgia to see him before he passed. I know God allowed me to be home even though I had school that day. I'm so thankful God let us be there to hold his hands while he passed. God has blessed me with an amazing family that I can't imagine life without.

There will continue to be hard days ahead, no doubt. I will continue to miss my grandpa and his hugs, his laugh, his stories, and hearing him says “I love you hon.” I need time to grieve. I feel like since I’ve been back at school there hasn’t been any time for that. There are times when I just want to sink into the floor and cry. I’m ready to go home and be with my family. I’m ready to cry and let it all out. But I’m so thankful that I am here at school right now and that I have friends that love me. God knows what He’s doing and that takes a lot of pressure off me as I sit back and let Him lead.