So I'm almost 3 weeks into summer vacation and nothing has changed job-wise since the last time I wrote on here. Honestly, I've been very discouraged. Deep in my heart I feel the urgency to "go" and want so much to just go live abroad, but that is not looking like a reality at this time in my life. I know that is a God-given desire and He will use it, but I also know that this time of waiting and journeying on here in the States is so valuable. Last semester I heard on several different occasions that life isn't so much about the destination, but the journey. I feel like this is proving to be so true.
Today I met with a mission organization and it became clear that financially there was no way that I could sign on and work there presently. All staff have to raise support even if it's just to work in the home office. While my heart hurts, I left encouraged and reminded of God's faithful provision and love. During my interview I got to connect with someone who spent 10+ yrs in a hiring position and even though he could not offer me a job today, He gave me encouragement and offered to help me as I continue to seek out God's plan. There was also a young woman who was in my interview and she asked me to stay in touch and she wants to do a book study of sorts together. Both of them told me they would make a point to continually pray for me. Wow. What a blessing. God is moving, providing, and continuing to refine and stretch me.
As reality is setting in that I may not find my dream job for months or for even a few years from now, I'm reminded not to run away from life. Remember that little kid's story of "Going on a bear hunt....?" In the story you hit tall grass, rivers, and other terrain and for every scenario it is decided you can't "go over or around it" but that you gotta go through it. Part of me wants to run from this hard time of waiting, but that's not the right answer. I gotta go through it and I'm not losing hope. The lesson I learned last semester of having a willing and whatever/wherever attitude has replayed in my mind a lot lately. Am I really willing to go or stay wherever God asks me to and to do whatever God asks of me? I'm praying for a surrendered spirit, that's for sure, and it will take daily surrender. Part of that prayer of surrender entails not asking God to join me in my plans and ideas, but that I can be a part of what He's already doing.
We have to remember Who holds us, Who goes before us, Who loves us unconditionally, and Who knows all things. Nothing is too big for Him. Not our debts, our weaknesses, nor our mistakes.