Well it's been about forever....I've thought about writing on here many times but haven't taken the time to sit and write my thoughts out.
This semester has been absolutely nuts, but I love it. I'm learning a lot- about God, about life, about people, and about myself. After coming back from Uganda I never pictured myself as a senior in college living in a freshmen ladies' dorm. I'm not gonna lie it's crazy at times, but I honestly love it and getting to know the ladies on my floor has been so worth it. They are wonderful.
I've caught myself lately worrying about my next step after Bethel. Thinking about it makes my heart race and I have no idea which direction God will lead me in. God has shown me time and time again this semester that I need to have a "whatever" attitude. Not a whatever attitude in the sense that I don't care, but a whatever attitude in the sense that I will do whatever God asks, go wherever He leads, and do it whenever He asks me to. For a long time I thought I was surrendered to God in those areas....but then He showed me that wasn't the case. I was putting parameters on my obedience. While I was saying I'll go and do whatever God asked me to...in the back of my mind it was more like "I'll do "whatever" and go "wherever" as long as it's in the places I want to go.
That reality check really smacked me in the face. God is constantly reminding me that His plans are great and that I can trust Him, and yet I get scared and try to rely on myself. It's a daily process of surrender. While this area of growth is hard, it is SO worth it. I feel Him preparing me for another season of change and I desire to follow Him through it.
Recently I was reading in Isaiah 40. A big part of that chapter talks about God's greatness.
"Who has measured the waters in the hollow of his hand,
or with the breadth of his hand marked off the heavens?
Who has held the dust of the earth in a basket,
or weighed the mountains on the scales
and the hills in a balance?
Who can fathom the Spirit of the LORD,
or instruct the LORD as his counselor?....
Surely the nations are like a drop in a bucket;
they are regarded as dust on the scales;
he weighs the islands as though they were fine dust...
The LORD is the everlasting God,
the Creator of the ends of the earth.
He will not grow tired or weary,
and his understanding no one can fathom.
He gives strength to the weary
and increases the power of the weak.
Even youths grow tired and weary,
and young men stumble and fall;
but those who hope in the LORD
will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint. "
The God of the universe, who is capable of things we cannot even fathom, holds us. He knows it all- sees us inside and out. He sees the big picture. He's got us covered. I find so much comfort in that.