Monday, May 10, 2010

Keep On Keepin' On

So, I've been meaning to update this blog for awhile now. There's a lot running through my mind and since I stink at journaling, so I'll get in down here (especially since my pen can't keep up with my thoughts).

Another semester is under my belt and I sit here in disbelief (a common occurrence nowadays). This semester has been challenging, confusing, and great. Something that thought about a lot this semester is the idea of home. At this stage in my life, I don't know where "home" is. Ok, so I know Heaven is home, but I'm not there yet, haha. I've had a feeling of homelessness, so to speak, and although it's been confusing, it's not a bad feeling. It just is. Is Greenwood home? What about Uganda or Bethel College? It's been a good reminder of what Jesus talks about in Matthew 8. In this life, He may call me to all kinds of places and all kinds of communities and while I may not have a sense of "home," that's ok.

Thinking about all this over the semester also brought thoughts about community. Not gonna lie, during the first 10 or so minutes I was driving away from Bethel for the summer, I cried. It was that "leaving summer camp feeling" or "time to go home from a sleepover" feeling I used to get in middle school...if that makes any sense. Over the past year my community has changed almost every 3-4 months. Last school year I was building stronger relationships with friends at school, then summer came and I came back to friends and family in Greenwood, then I headed to Uganda for 4 months to an entire new community of people both North American and Ugandan, then I came back to the Bethel community but time passed and things changed after not being on campus for 8 months, and now I'm back in Greenwood again. It's like I start to get settled then things are shaken up again. I have people I love all over the world, which is awesome. Dealing with change is not a strength of mine, which is funny to me, considering where I sense God leading me in life. When I am weak, He is strong. God is showing me every step of the way how faithful He is. He's always constant and the changes I experience are not things to fear.

I'm still discovering how I've been growing and changing in the last year. Coming back to school in the U.S. this semester, I knew I was different. I could pin-point a few things that had changed right off the bat, but there was still that sense of not being able to fully put my finger on all of them. They are showing up little by little and the light bulb in my head goes off. Some of the changes I've realized seem crazy to me as I think back to who I was a year ago. The way I look at things, some things I held as important, things that once brought me comfort, and certain understandings have changed. It may not seem like a big deal, but it amazes me.

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