Lately

So it's been a couple weeks since I've posted and I went from being home on break back to college life. It all feels surreal and sometimes Uganda seems like a dream. It's been a weird stage to be in. I love being with my family and friends at home but at the same time I deeply miss my family and friends in Uganda. Too bad life isn't more like Startrek and we could be instantly transported to other places. "Beam me up, Jesus!" Ok so it doens't work that way....haha.

Coming back to school has been a roller coaster of emotions. It's awesome to get reconnected with my friends that I missed so much while I was gone. But it's also strange to step back into a life I haven't experienced in 8 months. Classes started today and I found myself feeling so distant and missing Uganda. I'm trying my best to be present and to stay tuned in with the here and now. I shouldn't live in the past b/c I'll miss what's right in front of me, but I need to learn how to incorporate all I learned and experienced in Uganda into the person I am now.

A word that we heard a lot in the beginning and end of our program was tension. That word has continued to pop in situations I find myself in, thoughts I have, and in questions I'm trying to find answers to. Tension isn't always a bad thing and it's usually present in times of change.

Tension.

Being tempted to slide back into my old ways and knowing the person God is calling me to be.

Tension.

Seeing and experiencing issues that seem hopeless and wondering what my role is.

Tension.

Coming home to wonderful friends and family, yet missing those I grew to love in Uganda.

Tension.

Seeking God's heart for His direction and knowing that those answers usually aren't instant.

Tension.

Wanting so badly to hold onto all I saw and those I met in Uganda, yet it's starting to feel like a dream.

Tension.

HIV/AIDS. Poverty. Starvation and Malnutrition. Watching a man who was dying in a hospital. Orphans. Corruption. Learning about those issues and putting real faces to them and also realizing there are people facing the same issues back home.

Tension.

Trying to figure out what is the best way to help and yet wondering if our methods are hurting those we seek to aid.

Tension.

Trying to apply presence, community, hospitality, real compassion, and a slower pace of life in a place where things tend to be much of the opposite.

Tension.

Getting to see God's heart and knowing He was in and working in all those situations before I knew of them. Knowing He has a plan, for good.

Hope.