So, I've been meaning to update this blog for awhile now. There's a lot running through my mind and since I stink at journaling, so I'll get in down here (especially since my pen can't keep up with my thoughts).
Another semester is under my belt and I sit here in disbelief (a common occurrence nowadays). This semester has been challenging, confusing, and great. Something that thought about a lot this semester is the idea of home. At this stage in my life, I don't know where "home" is. Ok, so I know Heaven is home, but I'm not there yet, haha. I've had a feeling of homelessness, so to speak, and although it's been confusing, it's not a bad feeling. It just is. Is Greenwood home? What about Uganda or Bethel College? It's been a good reminder of what Jesus talks about in Matthew 8. In this life, He may call me to all kinds of places and all kinds of communities and while I may not have a sense of "home," that's ok.
Thinking about all this over the semester also brought thoughts about community. Not gonna lie, during the first 10 or so minutes I was driving away from Bethel for the summer, I cried. It was that "leaving summer camp feeling" or "time to go home from a sleepover" feeling I used to get in middle school...if that makes any sense. Over the past year my community has changed almost every 3-4 months. Last school year I was building stronger relationships with friends at school, then summer came and I came back to friends and family in Greenwood, then I headed to Uganda for 4 months to an entire new community of people both North American and Ugandan, then I came back to the Bethel community but time passed and things changed after not being on campus for 8 months, and now I'm back in Greenwood again. It's like I start to get settled then things are shaken up again. I have people I love all over the world, which is awesome. Dealing with change is not a strength of mine, which is funny to me, considering where I sense God leading me in life. When I am weak, He is strong. God is showing me every step of the way how faithful He is. He's always constant and the changes I experience are not things to fear.
I'm still discovering how I've been growing and changing in the last year. Coming back to school in the U.S. this semester, I knew I was different. I could pin-point a few things that had changed right off the bat, but there was still that sense of not being able to fully put my finger on all of them. They are showing up little by little and the light bulb in my head goes off. Some of the changes I've realized seem crazy to me as I think back to who I was a year ago. The way I look at things, some things I held as important, things that once brought me comfort, and certain understandings have changed. It may not seem like a big deal, but it amazes me.
Monday, May 10, 2010
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
Time Flies On
Wow. It's been two months, I didn't realize that much time had past since I last wrote on this blog. It's hard for me to keep track of time these days, seriously. I cannot believe I've been home from Uganda for a little more than 3 months now. Really? I still think about Uganda at least once a day. I think about the my family, the kids in my town that followed me home after school almost everyday, about my rural home stay family, the beauty of the simple things, sitting on the veranda watching the sun set and the stars come out, going on little excursions with Denise on the weekends we were home, IMME trips, my classes, the community I lived in and experienced. I'm trying not to romanticize the time I spent there, because it was definitely hard at times and I was pushed in many new ways, but I honestly loved it. You may be reading this and thinking, "Gosh, Kristen it's been 3 months, move on already." But those 4 months changed me, maybe not in huge ways, but it's ingrained in me. I'm different.
I'm learning to live in the present. I used to be the type of person that counted down until the next "big thing" came whether it be the weekend or a break. I also used to try to cling to past and would miss out on life here and now as I wished my time away. I don't think that way anymore and it's freeing. I look at life differently and my priorities have changed. Sure that shift has made focusing on school hard at times, but I'm here for a reason.
I still don't know where God is leading me in the future, but I have peace I'm in the right place right now and I have peace about the future. I could worry about it and have been scared that God is calling me to do things I would deem terrifying and uncomfortable, but I'm reminded of the one I serve. I think many of us have been guilty of thinking that God will only call us into safe situations and that He'll give us all the desires of our heart. In reality, God may call us into situations we would want to run from and some of the desires we have may not match up with the awesome plan He has. God is so good. His timing is perfect.
I'm learning to live in the present. I used to be the type of person that counted down until the next "big thing" came whether it be the weekend or a break. I also used to try to cling to past and would miss out on life here and now as I wished my time away. I don't think that way anymore and it's freeing. I look at life differently and my priorities have changed. Sure that shift has made focusing on school hard at times, but I'm here for a reason.
I still don't know where God is leading me in the future, but I have peace I'm in the right place right now and I have peace about the future. I could worry about it and have been scared that God is calling me to do things I would deem terrifying and uncomfortable, but I'm reminded of the one I serve. I think many of us have been guilty of thinking that God will only call us into safe situations and that He'll give us all the desires of our heart. In reality, God may call us into situations we would want to run from and some of the desires we have may not match up with the awesome plan He has. God is so good. His timing is perfect.
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
My Heart Goes Out
The devastation that has ravaged Haiti is HUGE. Since the initial earthquake, there have been at least 40 aftershocks and there could be more to come. I can't even begin to imagine what going through that would be like. I've read stories, watched video clips, and have looked through so many pictures. My heart hurts. Part of me wants to be like, "Forget school, let's go help!" I'm thankful for all the rescue teams and missionaries that are sticking through it to help those facing devastating, life changing loss. Children are orphaned. Families have been shattered. Homes and businesses lost. Food and water are scarce. Violence and looting have been the cry of desperation.
I keep trying to comprehend what's really happened and what's currently going on. I've been encouraged and challenged by the stories I've heard. Instead of forsaking and turning their backs on God, many Haitians are putting their trust in Him and they continue to praise Him. God has been, is, and will be faithful. Some wonder how a loving God could let this happen. While God may have permitted this to happen, I do know that each and every life lost and affected matters to Him. Each one. He can bring good from the darkest of situations. Think about your own life. Can you think back on some of the hardest times you've gone through and see how God has used them? Those things shape you and God can use them. Have there been people you've been able to help/encourage because of what you've experienced? God can use any situation.
Deep inside I want to be in Haiti to walk beside someone who is hurting or to hold a scared child. But tonight I sit in the library...not motivated to do homework. But I can pray- pray for those who are hurting, those who are facing tragic loss, weary volunteers, and for strength for all to carry on. It's also a time to remember those who are hurting, lonely, and those who are facing battles in their own lives that we encounter every day.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MM-6rm1t9vY
"...the times you're hurting, the times that you heal, the times you go hungry and are tempted to steal, in times of confusion and chaos and pain. He's there in your sorrow...He's there through your heartache, He' there in the storm, His love will keep you by His power alone."
I keep trying to comprehend what's really happened and what's currently going on. I've been encouraged and challenged by the stories I've heard. Instead of forsaking and turning their backs on God, many Haitians are putting their trust in Him and they continue to praise Him. God has been, is, and will be faithful. Some wonder how a loving God could let this happen. While God may have permitted this to happen, I do know that each and every life lost and affected matters to Him. Each one. He can bring good from the darkest of situations. Think about your own life. Can you think back on some of the hardest times you've gone through and see how God has used them? Those things shape you and God can use them. Have there been people you've been able to help/encourage because of what you've experienced? God can use any situation.
Deep inside I want to be in Haiti to walk beside someone who is hurting or to hold a scared child. But tonight I sit in the library...not motivated to do homework. But I can pray- pray for those who are hurting, those who are facing tragic loss, weary volunteers, and for strength for all to carry on. It's also a time to remember those who are hurting, lonely, and those who are facing battles in their own lives that we encounter every day.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MM-6rm1t9vY
"...the times you're hurting, the times that you heal, the times you go hungry and are tempted to steal, in times of confusion and chaos and pain. He's there in your sorrow...He's there through your heartache, He' there in the storm, His love will keep you by His power alone."
Sunday, January 17, 2010
Looking Back
Just a few of my videos from my time in Uganda and Rwanda:
This was during our ride to be dropped off at our homestays.
My first big rain storm in Mukono. This one scared me, but I grew to love them.
During our time in Rwanda, we went to some local churches. Betty was our translator. She's such a beautiful, joyful person. This is Betty singing Amazing Grace in the van after church.
Karen (my cousin) and her friends Faith and Keith dancing. This was during my rural home stay in Kapchorwa.
I visited my mom's primary school one day. Her class sang to me :)
This was during our ride to be dropped off at our homestays.
My first big rain storm in Mukono. This one scared me, but I grew to love them.
During our time in Rwanda, we went to some local churches. Betty was our translator. She's such a beautiful, joyful person. This is Betty singing Amazing Grace in the van after church.
Karen (my cousin) and her friends Faith and Keith dancing. This was during my rural home stay in Kapchorwa.
I visited my mom's primary school one day. Her class sang to me :)
Thursday, January 7, 2010
Lately
So it's been a couple weeks since I've posted and I went from being home on break back to college life. It all feels surreal and sometimes Uganda seems like a dream. It's been a weird stage to be in. I love being with my family and friends at home but at the same time I deeply miss my family and friends in Uganda. Too bad life isn't more like Startrek and we could be instantly transported to other places. "Beam me up, Jesus!" Ok so it doens't work that way....haha.
Coming back to school has been a roller coaster of emotions. It's awesome to get reconnected with my friends that I missed so much while I was gone. But it's also strange to step back into a life I haven't experienced in 8 months. Classes started today and I found myself feeling so distant and missing Uganda. I'm trying my best to be present and to stay tuned in with the here and now. I shouldn't live in the past b/c I'll miss what's right in front of me, but I need to learn how to incorporate all I learned and experienced in Uganda into the person I am now.
A word that we heard a lot in the beginning and end of our program was tension. That word has continued to pop in situations I find myself in, thoughts I have, and in questions I'm trying to find answers to. Tension isn't always a bad thing and it's usually present in times of change.
Tension.
Being tempted to slide back into my old ways and knowing the person God is calling me to be.
Tension.
Seeing and experiencing issues that seem hopeless and wondering what my role is.
Tension.
Coming home to wonderful friends and family, yet missing those I grew to love in Uganda.
Tension.
Seeking God's heart for His direction and knowing that those answers usually aren't instant.
Tension.
Wanting so badly to hold onto all I saw and those I met in Uganda, yet it's starting to feel like a dream.
Tension.
HIV/AIDS. Poverty. Starvation and Malnutrition. Watching a man who was dying in a hospital. Orphans. Corruption. Learning about those issues and putting real faces to them and also realizing there are people facing the same issues back home.
Tension.
Trying to figure out what is the best way to help and yet wondering if our methods are hurting those we seek to aid.
Tension.
Trying to apply presence, community, hospitality, real compassion, and a slower pace of life in a place where things tend to be much of the opposite.
Tension.
Getting to see God's heart and knowing He was in and working in all those situations before I knew of them. Knowing He has a plan, for good.
Hope.
Coming back to school has been a roller coaster of emotions. It's awesome to get reconnected with my friends that I missed so much while I was gone. But it's also strange to step back into a life I haven't experienced in 8 months. Classes started today and I found myself feeling so distant and missing Uganda. I'm trying my best to be present and to stay tuned in with the here and now. I shouldn't live in the past b/c I'll miss what's right in front of me, but I need to learn how to incorporate all I learned and experienced in Uganda into the person I am now.
A word that we heard a lot in the beginning and end of our program was tension. That word has continued to pop in situations I find myself in, thoughts I have, and in questions I'm trying to find answers to. Tension isn't always a bad thing and it's usually present in times of change.
Tension.
Being tempted to slide back into my old ways and knowing the person God is calling me to be.
Tension.
Seeing and experiencing issues that seem hopeless and wondering what my role is.
Tension.
Coming home to wonderful friends and family, yet missing those I grew to love in Uganda.
Tension.
Seeking God's heart for His direction and knowing that those answers usually aren't instant.
Tension.
Wanting so badly to hold onto all I saw and those I met in Uganda, yet it's starting to feel like a dream.
Tension.
HIV/AIDS. Poverty. Starvation and Malnutrition. Watching a man who was dying in a hospital. Orphans. Corruption. Learning about those issues and putting real faces to them and also realizing there are people facing the same issues back home.
Tension.
Trying to figure out what is the best way to help and yet wondering if our methods are hurting those we seek to aid.
Tension.
Trying to apply presence, community, hospitality, real compassion, and a slower pace of life in a place where things tend to be much of the opposite.
Tension.
Getting to see God's heart and knowing He was in and working in all those situations before I knew of them. Knowing He has a plan, for good.
Hope.
Saturday, December 19, 2009
Back Home Again in Indiana
So after 3 days of travel, 20ish hours on a plane and 24 hrs worth of layovers, I'm home. Getting home sure was a journey. I was supposed to get home late Wednesday night but things did not go as planned. Danielle, Kristina, and I boarded the plane and sat there for over an hour only to be told that a hydraulic part of the plane was not working right...so flying was a no go. Not gonna lie, at that point I was super tired and frustrated. We went back inside and were given hotel rooms at the Hilton and tickets home for the next day. I went from Uganda to the Hilton and it was a shock. They put me in a room with two beds, a flat screen tv, 2 telephones, a flushing toilet (complete with TP), and a shower. I didn't know what to do with myself, so I took my first American shower and slept.
Being home feels surreal. I think I'm starting to feel the first bits of "homelessness." I understand that I'm "home" but home doesn't quite feel the same. It's been awesome getting to see my family. I drove for the first time in 4 months yesterday... and I didn't die! Awesome. I woke up at 5:30 this morning and was starving and realized that it was 1:30 pm aka lunch time in Uganda. This was a funny and sad realization and I ate a handful of peanuts and went back to bed.
Today was not a day to rest and I got up and went to the travel doctor. I got checked out head to toe and was sent to the hospital to get bloodwork done. I also got sent home with not one but THREE stool samples to fill, no joke. They gave me some awesome "hats" to fill....oh and get this, I have to turn in the samples within one hour of filling them, if you get what I'm saying and I'm not allowed to do them all at one time. I get to dump and run three times this week, haha.
It's not that kinda "hat."
Being home feels surreal. I think I'm starting to feel the first bits of "homelessness." I understand that I'm "home" but home doesn't quite feel the same. It's been awesome getting to see my family. I drove for the first time in 4 months yesterday... and I didn't die! Awesome. I woke up at 5:30 this morning and was starving and realized that it was 1:30 pm aka lunch time in Uganda. This was a funny and sad realization and I ate a handful of peanuts and went back to bed.
Today was not a day to rest and I got up and went to the travel doctor. I got checked out head to toe and was sent to the hospital to get bloodwork done. I also got sent home with not one but THREE stool samples to fill, no joke. They gave me some awesome "hats" to fill....oh and get this, I have to turn in the samples within one hour of filling them, if you get what I'm saying and I'm not allowed to do them all at one time. I get to dump and run three times this week, haha.
It's not that kinda "hat."
Thursday, December 10, 2009
Hello, Goodbye
So this is my last post from Uganda…crazy.
Our farewell party is tonight. Tomorrow they pick up our things. Saturday we leave for Entebbe and then we fly out on Tuesday night. And THEN I touch down in Indy late on Wednesday.
I’m going to miss Uganda, but I’m going to miss my new family and friends even more. Today as Denise and I walked to school the little kids (the posse) ran up to us and they held our hands (or whatever they could reach) as we walked up the hill to school. As I walked with them it really hit me that I only have today and tomorrow with them and my my family. I’m really going to miss it. Uganda is a beautiful place. This has been a great experience and I don’t want to leave it at that. I want to apply what I’ve learned to my life back in the U.S.
But I’m pumped to come back to the U.S. It will be amazing to see family and friends that I’ve missed so much this semester. I’m looking forward to my first U.S. shower, flushing a toilet, and eating a lot of vegetables, for real, haha. I’m nervous about driving again after not sitting in a driver’s seat for about 4 months and living in a place where I’ve gotten accustomed to being on the left side of the road. I’m so excited for Christmas and being with family. I’m also really excited to go to the travel doctor and see if there’s anything new living in my body (which I’m pretty sure there is). Not gonna lie, I think it would be awesome to be able to say that I’ve had an amoeba/parasite, haha.
So in 6 days and in 3 flights from now I’ll be back. I’m interested to see what shocks me about being back, besides the freezing cold. I may look like a tourist in my own country for a day or so. So if I do or say funny things, feel free to laugh at me, haha.
And Mom if you read this, don’t forget my winter coat!
Our farewell party is tonight. Tomorrow they pick up our things. Saturday we leave for Entebbe and then we fly out on Tuesday night. And THEN I touch down in Indy late on Wednesday.
I’m going to miss Uganda, but I’m going to miss my new family and friends even more. Today as Denise and I walked to school the little kids (the posse) ran up to us and they held our hands (or whatever they could reach) as we walked up the hill to school. As I walked with them it really hit me that I only have today and tomorrow with them and my my family. I’m really going to miss it. Uganda is a beautiful place. This has been a great experience and I don’t want to leave it at that. I want to apply what I’ve learned to my life back in the U.S.
But I’m pumped to come back to the U.S. It will be amazing to see family and friends that I’ve missed so much this semester. I’m looking forward to my first U.S. shower, flushing a toilet, and eating a lot of vegetables, for real, haha. I’m nervous about driving again after not sitting in a driver’s seat for about 4 months and living in a place where I’ve gotten accustomed to being on the left side of the road. I’m so excited for Christmas and being with family. I’m also really excited to go to the travel doctor and see if there’s anything new living in my body (which I’m pretty sure there is). Not gonna lie, I think it would be awesome to be able to say that I’ve had an amoeba/parasite, haha.
So in 6 days and in 3 flights from now I’ll be back. I’m interested to see what shocks me about being back, besides the freezing cold. I may look like a tourist in my own country for a day or so. So if I do or say funny things, feel free to laugh at me, haha.
And Mom if you read this, don’t forget my winter coat!
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