My Heart Goes Out

The devastation that has ravaged Haiti is HUGE. Since the initial earthquake, there have been at least 40 aftershocks and there could be more to come. I can't even begin to imagine what going through that would be like. I've read stories, watched video clips, and have looked through so many pictures. My heart hurts. Part of me wants to be like, "Forget school, let's go help!" I'm thankful for all the rescue teams and missionaries that are sticking through it to help those facing devastating, life changing loss. Children are orphaned. Families have been shattered. Homes and businesses lost. Food and water are scarce. Violence and looting have been the cry of desperation.

I keep trying to comprehend what's really happened and what's currently going on. I've been encouraged and challenged by the stories I've heard. Instead of forsaking and turning their backs on God, many Haitians are putting their trust in Him and they continue to praise Him. God has been, is, and will be faithful. Some wonder how a loving God could let this happen. While God may have permitted this to happen, I do know that each and every life lost and affected matters to Him. Each one. He can bring good from the darkest of situations. Think about your own life. Can you think back on some of the hardest times you've gone through and see how God has used them? Those things shape you and God can use them. Have there been people you've been able to help/encourage because of what you've experienced? God can use any situation.




Deep inside I want to be in Haiti to walk beside someone who is hurting or to hold a scared child. But tonight I sit in the library...not motivated to do homework. But I can pray- pray for those who are hurting, those who are facing tragic loss, weary volunteers, and for strength for all to carry on. It's also a time to remember those who are hurting, lonely, and those who are facing battles in their own lives that we encounter every day.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MM-6rm1t9vY

"...the times you're hurting, the times that you heal, the times you go hungry and are tempted to steal, in times of confusion and chaos and pain. He's there in your sorrow...He's there through your heartache, He' there in the storm, His love will keep you by His power alone."

Looking Back

Just a few of my videos from my time in Uganda and Rwanda:



This was during our ride to be dropped off at our homestays.



My first big rain storm in Mukono. This one scared me, but I grew to love them.



During our time in Rwanda, we went to some local churches. Betty was our translator. She's such a beautiful, joyful person. This is Betty singing Amazing Grace in the van after church.





Karen (my cousin) and her friends Faith and Keith dancing. This was during my rural home stay in Kapchorwa.


I visited my mom's primary school one day. Her class sang to me :)

Lately

So it's been a couple weeks since I've posted and I went from being home on break back to college life. It all feels surreal and sometimes Uganda seems like a dream. It's been a weird stage to be in. I love being with my family and friends at home but at the same time I deeply miss my family and friends in Uganda. Too bad life isn't more like Startrek and we could be instantly transported to other places. "Beam me up, Jesus!" Ok so it doens't work that way....haha.

Coming back to school has been a roller coaster of emotions. It's awesome to get reconnected with my friends that I missed so much while I was gone. But it's also strange to step back into a life I haven't experienced in 8 months. Classes started today and I found myself feeling so distant and missing Uganda. I'm trying my best to be present and to stay tuned in with the here and now. I shouldn't live in the past b/c I'll miss what's right in front of me, but I need to learn how to incorporate all I learned and experienced in Uganda into the person I am now.

A word that we heard a lot in the beginning and end of our program was tension. That word has continued to pop in situations I find myself in, thoughts I have, and in questions I'm trying to find answers to. Tension isn't always a bad thing and it's usually present in times of change.

Tension.

Being tempted to slide back into my old ways and knowing the person God is calling me to be.

Tension.

Seeing and experiencing issues that seem hopeless and wondering what my role is.

Tension.

Coming home to wonderful friends and family, yet missing those I grew to love in Uganda.

Tension.

Seeking God's heart for His direction and knowing that those answers usually aren't instant.

Tension.

Wanting so badly to hold onto all I saw and those I met in Uganda, yet it's starting to feel like a dream.

Tension.

HIV/AIDS. Poverty. Starvation and Malnutrition. Watching a man who was dying in a hospital. Orphans. Corruption. Learning about those issues and putting real faces to them and also realizing there are people facing the same issues back home.

Tension.

Trying to figure out what is the best way to help and yet wondering if our methods are hurting those we seek to aid.

Tension.

Trying to apply presence, community, hospitality, real compassion, and a slower pace of life in a place where things tend to be much of the opposite.

Tension.

Getting to see God's heart and knowing He was in and working in all those situations before I knew of them. Knowing He has a plan, for good.

Hope.

Back Home Again in Indiana

So after 3 days of travel, 20ish hours on a plane and 24 hrs worth of layovers, I'm home. Getting home sure was a journey. I was supposed to get home late Wednesday night but things did not go as planned. Danielle, Kristina, and I boarded the plane and sat there for over an hour only to be told that a hydraulic part of the plane was not working right...so flying was a no go. Not gonna lie, at that point I was super tired and frustrated. We went back inside and were given hotel rooms at the Hilton and tickets home for the next day. I went from Uganda to the Hilton and it was a shock. They put me in a room with two beds, a flat screen tv, 2 telephones, a flushing toilet (complete with TP), and a shower. I didn't know what to do with myself, so I took my first American shower and slept.

Being home feels surreal. I think I'm starting to feel the first bits of "homelessness." I understand that I'm "home" but home doesn't quite feel the same. It's been awesome getting to see my family. I drove for the first time in 4 months yesterday... and I didn't die! Awesome. I woke up at 5:30 this morning and was starving and realized that it was 1:30 pm aka lunch time in Uganda. This was a funny and sad realization and I ate a handful of peanuts and went back to bed.

Today was not a day to rest and I got up and went to the travel doctor. I got checked out head to toe and was sent to the hospital to get bloodwork done. I also got sent home with not one but THREE stool samples to fill, no joke. They gave me some awesome "hats" to fill....oh and get this, I have to turn in the samples within one hour of filling them, if you get what I'm saying and I'm not allowed to do them all at one time. I get to dump and run three times this week, haha.


It's not that kinda "hat."

Hello, Goodbye

So this is my last post from Uganda…crazy.

Our farewell party is tonight. Tomorrow they pick up our things. Saturday we leave for Entebbe and then we fly out on Tuesday night. And THEN I touch down in Indy late on Wednesday.

I’m going to miss Uganda, but I’m going to miss my new family and friends even more. Today as Denise and I walked to school the little kids (the posse) ran up to us and they held our hands (or whatever they could reach) as we walked up the hill to school. As I walked with them it really hit me that I only have today and tomorrow with them and my my family. I’m really going to miss it. Uganda is a beautiful place. This has been a great experience and I don’t want to leave it at that. I want to apply what I’ve learned to my life back in the U.S.

But I’m pumped to come back to the U.S. It will be amazing to see family and friends that I’ve missed so much this semester. I’m looking forward to my first U.S. shower, flushing a toilet, and eating a lot of vegetables, for real, haha. I’m nervous about driving again after not sitting in a driver’s seat for about 4 months and living in a place where I’ve gotten accustomed to being on the left side of the road. I’m so excited for Christmas and being with family. I’m also really excited to go to the travel doctor and see if there’s anything new living in my body (which I’m pretty sure there is). Not gonna lie, I think it would be awesome to be able to say that I’ve had an amoeba/parasite, haha.

So in 6 days and in 3 flights from now I’ll be back. I’m interested to see what shocks me about being back, besides the freezing cold. I may look like a tourist in my own country for a day or so. So if I do or say funny things, feel free to laugh at me, haha.

And Mom if you read this, don’t forget my winter coat!

Life...ba da ba ba ba, I'm lovin' it (Get it? It's like the McD's commercial...)

I think I'm starting a new trend in my life...writing blogs and putting off my work. Oh wait a second, I've done this my whole life, haha.

Today is offically my last Monday at UCU and I'm heading in the last week with my family. I'm not sure what to think about it. While I'm excited to go home, I'm nervous. Nervous about the transitions back into the culture, nervous about things that have changed while I've been gone. But worrying won't get me anywhere, so I'm going to go with the flow when I get back and take things a step at a time.

If you would have asked me 3 months ago if I would be sad to leave Uganda I probably would have said no and I never would have believed I would have gotten to the opposite extreme. I'm not counting down the days anymore because I know how short a time I have left. I've been reminded about how I almost always count down to things. I'm always looking forward to the next big thing that I forget to live each day fully. But as for the rest of my time here, I want to focus on the here and now. Home will come soon enough.

Last night we had 10 visitors from the Anglican church over to our house for tea and dinner. Three of them were from the UK and had gone to a Christmas Program in Kampala. Denise, my sister Judith, and I helped serve while our brothers hid outside in the dark waiting to be fed, trying to avoid any interaction with the visitors.

Things like this make me love my Ugandan family. I love the way my mom is so quiet but she has a funny, stubborn side. Yesterday she got tired of our dad being on the phone so when he wasn't looking, she hid it. He was searching the house for it and she didn't say a thing, haha. I love the way my dad talks about how we can show our future in-laws our Ugandan hospitality/cooking skills and how we should kneel for our parents in the airport when we get home. I love talking with my brother Brian, chasing him down the hallway at our house, and listening to him sing throughout the day. I love being with my sister Judith, listening to her laugh, and just talking about random things with her. I love watching my brother Simon rock out to music videos when he thinks no one is watching and the high pitched voice he uses when he talks to us. I love when our cousin Defus comes home each night on our family's boda boda and knowing that he'll be taking care of the chickens every morning when I get up.

Life here is great and I’m soakin’ it in. Family and friends back home, I love and miss you. See you soon :)

Reaching the peak- throw your hands up

So 16 days until I fly home....crazy! I'm at the stage where I'm super excited to go home but where I'm loving Uganda (minus the writing papers part, haha). I feel like I'm climbing the top to the peak of the roller coaster and about to fly down the other side. Once I get all my papers down...the sliding down the other side with my arms in the air starts. Last night Denise and I made dinner for our family. Denise is a great cook and we made homemade tortillas, 2 kilograms of meat (I have no idea how much that is in pounds, haha), homemade refried beans, spanish rice, guacamole, toppings for our tacos (lettuce and tomatoes), and fresh pineapple. We cooked it all on two small charcoal stoves- it kinda felt like we were camping. Anyways, our meal was a hit and I'm pretty sure our family was shocked that we could actually cook something edible. They saved the leftovers for breakfast and lunch today, haha.

Tomorrow (Dec. 1st) is World AIDS Day. We've been learning a lot about HIV/AIDS here at school and the sermon at church yesterday was dedicated to it. Everyone is Uganda has been affected by AIDS, whether they themselves are battling it or have a family member or friend living with it or that has passed away. AIDS is a monster that is wiping out a huge section of the young adult/middle age generation leaving many children behind. You've got grandparents raising their grandchildren or child-headed homes. Last Friday I went on a fieldtrip to Mildmay hospital where they treat HIV/AIDS patients. It was a Muslim holiday so there were no patients coming in for treatment but we did get to see the children's ward. That was tough, especially knowing that those children got HIV/AIDS from their mothers or through sexual abuse. Treatment at Mildmay is free, which I think is awesome because medical treatment is not an attainable thing for many low income families, especially when ARVs are needed.

So I'm not sure how much everyone knows about the conflict that has gone on in northern Uganda and southern Sudan considering the LRA, child soldiers, and Joseph Kony, but it's terrible. If you want to learn more you should check out www.invisiblechildren.com. Anyways, the church I attend in Kampala brought in women from Gulu who had all been abducted by the LRA as small girls and that were all HIV positive. One woman was named Evelynn. She was a beautiful 27 year old woman who revealed to us that she had been abducted when she was 12 yrs old. She was given to a much older man as a wife and she had 3 of his children. This man was Joseph Kony. For real, this woman had been one of Joseph Kony's wives while she was kept there in captivity for 11 years. One of her children was lost during the war and a second child was lost during their escape. She doesn't know whether that child is dead or alive. It was amazing to see how God had transformed her life and how He's healing all the hurt she endured. One of the officials of Gulu came and spoke as well saying that millions and millions of dollars have been poured into Gulu...but that most of it has not brought about change. Sure you can build a community center but what good is it if you don't address the emotional and spiritual needs of broken people?

On a lighter note it's grasshopper season here and last week it looked like the plague. Children here go nuts and run around hunting them down...to fry and eat. Apparently they are really good, but I haven't had the chance to try them, so sad. Not, haha. Those things fly around and hit you in the face and I'm not going to lie they are terrifying in the squatty potties as you pray that they don't fly on you while you're in there. Our family's cat found a dead chicken into the house the other night. It was gross and smelled worse than it looked as the cat was chewing on it. My brother Brian and I collaborated and we've named the cat Stupid (Brian's contribution) Kevin (my idea). So Stupid Kevin once again is on bad terms with my family.

I can tell I've been in Uganda for a while. I've worn my flip-flop Teva's all the way through the soles. I've tried duck tape to repair them...but they leak really bad when it rains, haha. Oh well, I got my money out of them and have walked many many miles in them in the past 3 and a half-ish months.