So last night I went and saw the movie, New Year's Eve, with a friend and during part of the movie Hilary Swank's character gives a little speech about reflection...and it made me freak out a little bit because I hadn't really taken any time to really sit down and think about the past year of my life, haha.
It's always crazy to look back over the past year and to see all the things God brought you through, how He stretched you and taught you things, and about the experiences you had. Most times I'm glad He doesn't fill me in beforehand and that He's not like, "Hey Kristen, just to give you a heads up, I'm to throw this your way/teach you this lesson. Just wanted to give you a heads up." Haha, I think it would probably make life seem more daunting or I would probably freak out given my tendency to stress/worry. In all things, God is so good. Even in the hard and challenging things.
While my life does not look anything like I thought it would at this point, I'm so thankful for where I am and for what I'm learning. I'm learning not to wait for the "adventure" in my life start, because the adventure of life is the here and now. We need to live intentionally and not get swept away and just get by by merely existing.
2011 was a great year. Here's a few events that made it memorable:
-Was an RA in the freshmen ladies' dorm at my college. What a crazy, wonderful adventure.
-Graduated college.
-Graduated college jobless...a true test for me to trust God, haha, especially during the times when I was not chosen for positions I truly wanted. Seeing that God had other plans for me.
-Moved back home and was given the opportunity to spend more time with my family.
-Getting a job at Senior Helpers- meeting a wonderful 87 year old woman, getting to know her, and then getting to be a part of the last 4 months of her life. I still miss her. Seeing the beauty and value of those with Alzheimer's. God's purpose for our lives does not stop even when we forget who we are/lose our ability to function in a daily capacity.
-Started attending a new church
-Got a job working with Kindergartners. They are stinkin' hilarious and I love hearing their outlooks/perceptions on life.
-Realizing the beauty and also the struggles that come with having friends spread out all over the world.
It's a new year. I don't know what's store, but that's part of what makes life fun. I'm hopeful.
Sunday, January 1, 2012
Monday, June 20, 2011
He makes beautiful things out of us.
I recently got a job as a companion for an elderly woman who battles Alzheimer's among a couple other debilitating diseases. I get to spend a several hours with her five nights a week and it's taught me a lot already. This might be the hardest job I've had so far. It makes my heart hurt.
There are many nights my heart aches for the sweet lady I spend time with. She used to be a professor who taught English and History and she invested so much of her life in the students she taught. She's even had a dorm named after her at a local university. She married her high-school sweetheart and although she no longer knows how long she's been married, she's still crazy about him. You ask her about her husband and a squinty-eyed smile breaks across her face. She never had any children, but she loves her family and constantly asks where her sister Mary and her 3 younger brothers are.
She lives in an Alzheimer's unit in a nursing home now and spends a lot of time napping and walking laps around her hall. I help her eat dinner and then we find things to do before she heads to bed. Some of my nights with her are great, other nights are a real struggle, but most nights are a mix of both. I love hearing about her life yet it kills me to watch her really struggle to find the words she wants to say. She knows what she wants to say, yet most times jumbled fragments and made up words come out and she's left frustrated. There are other times when I'll ask her questions and she looks straight past me and doesn't respond, as if I'm not even there.
Alzheimer's is taking a firm hold on her ability to function. Sometimes it brings out the angry side of her and she'll snap at me and five seconds later she's fine and is apologizing to me. After the first couple evenings I spent with her, I grieved for her. I can't imagine what it must be like to suffer from Alzheimer's and to live in a constant state of confusion. I grieved because I looked at her and saw how profound an impact her life has had, and now she sits in a nursing home and sleeps much of her days away. I grieved because she's not allowed to visit her husband who also lives in the nursing home for various reasons.
One night after she had been laying in bed for a few minutes she started to doze off then reached out her hand to take what she thought was her husband's hand beside her and then she realized that no one was there. That night made me cry. As I drove home I prayed for her and starting asking God why things like this happen. It was during that talk with God that He started showing me the beauty of her life, even now. While she may not be teaching in a university, she is teaching me and the nurses things every day. She brings joy. Other times interactions with her are times to work on having patience and learning what it means to really listen. I'm humbled that God has given me the opportunity to serve this woman who spent so much of her life serving those around her.
She is beautiful and God is using her daily, even if she doesn't realize it.
There are many nights my heart aches for the sweet lady I spend time with. She used to be a professor who taught English and History and she invested so much of her life in the students she taught. She's even had a dorm named after her at a local university. She married her high-school sweetheart and although she no longer knows how long she's been married, she's still crazy about him. You ask her about her husband and a squinty-eyed smile breaks across her face. She never had any children, but she loves her family and constantly asks where her sister Mary and her 3 younger brothers are.
She lives in an Alzheimer's unit in a nursing home now and spends a lot of time napping and walking laps around her hall. I help her eat dinner and then we find things to do before she heads to bed. Some of my nights with her are great, other nights are a real struggle, but most nights are a mix of both. I love hearing about her life yet it kills me to watch her really struggle to find the words she wants to say. She knows what she wants to say, yet most times jumbled fragments and made up words come out and she's left frustrated. There are other times when I'll ask her questions and she looks straight past me and doesn't respond, as if I'm not even there.
Alzheimer's is taking a firm hold on her ability to function. Sometimes it brings out the angry side of her and she'll snap at me and five seconds later she's fine and is apologizing to me. After the first couple evenings I spent with her, I grieved for her. I can't imagine what it must be like to suffer from Alzheimer's and to live in a constant state of confusion. I grieved because I looked at her and saw how profound an impact her life has had, and now she sits in a nursing home and sleeps much of her days away. I grieved because she's not allowed to visit her husband who also lives in the nursing home for various reasons.
One night after she had been laying in bed for a few minutes she started to doze off then reached out her hand to take what she thought was her husband's hand beside her and then she realized that no one was there. That night made me cry. As I drove home I prayed for her and starting asking God why things like this happen. It was during that talk with God that He started showing me the beauty of her life, even now. While she may not be teaching in a university, she is teaching me and the nurses things every day. She brings joy. Other times interactions with her are times to work on having patience and learning what it means to really listen. I'm humbled that God has given me the opportunity to serve this woman who spent so much of her life serving those around her.
She is beautiful and God is using her daily, even if she doesn't realize it.
Thursday, May 19, 2011
Journeying On
So I'm almost 3 weeks into summer vacation and nothing has changed job-wise since the last time I wrote on here. Honestly, I've been very discouraged. Deep in my heart I feel the urgency to "go" and want so much to just go live abroad, but that is not looking like a reality at this time in my life. I know that is a God-given desire and He will use it, but I also know that this time of waiting and journeying on here in the States is so valuable. Last semester I heard on several different occasions that life isn't so much about the destination, but the journey. I feel like this is proving to be so true.
Today I met with a mission organization and it became clear that financially there was no way that I could sign on and work there presently. All staff have to raise support even if it's just to work in the home office. While my heart hurts, I left encouraged and reminded of God's faithful provision and love. During my interview I got to connect with someone who spent 10+ yrs in a hiring position and even though he could not offer me a job today, He gave me encouragement and offered to help me as I continue to seek out God's plan. There was also a young woman who was in my interview and she asked me to stay in touch and she wants to do a book study of sorts together. Both of them told me they would make a point to continually pray for me. Wow. What a blessing. God is moving, providing, and continuing to refine and stretch me.
As reality is setting in that I may not find my dream job for months or for even a few years from now, I'm reminded not to run away from life. Remember that little kid's story of "Going on a bear hunt....?" In the story you hit tall grass, rivers, and other terrain and for every scenario it is decided you can't "go over or around it" but that you gotta go through it. Part of me wants to run from this hard time of waiting, but that's not the right answer. I gotta go through it and I'm not losing hope. The lesson I learned last semester of having a willing and whatever/wherever attitude has replayed in my mind a lot lately. Am I really willing to go or stay wherever God asks me to and to do whatever God asks of me? I'm praying for a surrendered spirit, that's for sure, and it will take daily surrender. Part of that prayer of surrender entails not asking God to join me in my plans and ideas, but that I can be a part of what He's already doing.
We have to remember Who holds us, Who goes before us, Who loves us unconditionally, and Who knows all things. Nothing is too big for Him. Not our debts, our weaknesses, nor our mistakes.
Praise God.
Today I met with a mission organization and it became clear that financially there was no way that I could sign on and work there presently. All staff have to raise support even if it's just to work in the home office. While my heart hurts, I left encouraged and reminded of God's faithful provision and love. During my interview I got to connect with someone who spent 10+ yrs in a hiring position and even though he could not offer me a job today, He gave me encouragement and offered to help me as I continue to seek out God's plan. There was also a young woman who was in my interview and she asked me to stay in touch and she wants to do a book study of sorts together. Both of them told me they would make a point to continually pray for me. Wow. What a blessing. God is moving, providing, and continuing to refine and stretch me.
As reality is setting in that I may not find my dream job for months or for even a few years from now, I'm reminded not to run away from life. Remember that little kid's story of "Going on a bear hunt....?" In the story you hit tall grass, rivers, and other terrain and for every scenario it is decided you can't "go over or around it" but that you gotta go through it. Part of me wants to run from this hard time of waiting, but that's not the right answer. I gotta go through it and I'm not losing hope. The lesson I learned last semester of having a willing and whatever/wherever attitude has replayed in my mind a lot lately. Am I really willing to go or stay wherever God asks me to and to do whatever God asks of me? I'm praying for a surrendered spirit, that's for sure, and it will take daily surrender. Part of that prayer of surrender entails not asking God to join me in my plans and ideas, but that I can be a part of what He's already doing.
We have to remember Who holds us, Who goes before us, Who loves us unconditionally, and Who knows all things. Nothing is too big for Him. Not our debts, our weaknesses, nor our mistakes.
Praise God.
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
Actively Waiting
Actively waiting....not words that I often put together, but I should. I know I wrote in my last post that I'm not sure where I'll be after I graduate, and that still hasn't changed. It seems I need daily reminders to just wait on His timing.
Yesterday I went to the prayer chapel to just sit, pray, and listen. As I prayed I told God how much I desire to know the next step- I wanted to know where He is taking me. After sitting in silence for several minutes I have to admit that I started to grow frustrated and upset. Why wasn't He talking? Then a humbling realization hit me- who am I to put parameters on God and to tell Him that me needs to answer me right away? Who am I to tell God what to do and to tell Him the timeline in which He should do it?
As I continued to sit and pray for God to forgive me for my attitude, He did direct my attention back to a conversation I had with someone last week. The conversation was about actively waiting. While I may not know what life after May 1st will hold, I can actively and obediently wait. Actively waiting requires that I continue to serve, to love, to pray, to worship, to obey, and that I continue to seek to know God more.
He already knows all the answers and outcomes. He knows my heart- better than I could ever understand it myself. I have to trust that He is a good God and that HE KNOWS what's best. I need to stop being a control freak and let go of the reins.
Yesterday I went to the prayer chapel to just sit, pray, and listen. As I prayed I told God how much I desire to know the next step- I wanted to know where He is taking me. After sitting in silence for several minutes I have to admit that I started to grow frustrated and upset. Why wasn't He talking? Then a humbling realization hit me- who am I to put parameters on God and to tell Him that me needs to answer me right away? Who am I to tell God what to do and to tell Him the timeline in which He should do it?
As I continued to sit and pray for God to forgive me for my attitude, He did direct my attention back to a conversation I had with someone last week. The conversation was about actively waiting. While I may not know what life after May 1st will hold, I can actively and obediently wait. Actively waiting requires that I continue to serve, to love, to pray, to worship, to obey, and that I continue to seek to know God more.
He already knows all the answers and outcomes. He knows my heart- better than I could ever understand it myself. I have to trust that He is a good God and that HE KNOWS what's best. I need to stop being a control freak and let go of the reins.
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
Step Back and Take a Look
I'm almost a week into my last semester of college. Whoa. People ask if I'm excited...and in some respects yes, but in other ways it makes me want to panic, haha. I have no leads for after college yet and I'm trying to learn to be ok with that. I know I shouldn't just sit back and expect God to instantly drop something in my lap and that I need to take some initiative, trusting Him and listening for His voice. Easier said than done some days.
I got to talk to a missionary from Africa Inland Mission this week and what he had to say both encouraged and challenged me. As we talked he could sense that I'm struggling with being fully surrendered to God and trusting His plan instead of my own. He was completely right. God's been allowing me to be in those situations a lot lately- where I feel like a mirror is being held up and parts of me that need to be continually refined are brought to the surface. A lot of times it makes me want to cringe- it's not always fun to face those messy areas, but crazily enough, it's been exciting at the same time. I feel a sense of longing deep inside for change and for growth.
Part of that "looking into the mirror" happened a lot over break. It was a break filled with reunions and I loved it. Seeing friends from high school, my best friends growing up, youth group friends, family, and some of my friends from my semester in Uganda. All of these people have helped shape me and have played an important role in my life. Just to give an example, seeing my friends that I studied abroad with was so refreshing. It was awesome to talk back through our experiences, our lives since being home- sharing both the good and the hard things. There was just something special about being with them- it's like they helped breathe life into me. I left refreshed and reminded of many of the things God showed me during my time in Uganda.
Stepping back and "looking into the mirror" can expose parts of you you didn't realize were there. God can use it to show you areas He wants to mend, to refine, to change, to replace. It's also amazing when those moments reveal to you the ways in which others have touched your lift and how they have left their imprint.
I got to talk to a missionary from Africa Inland Mission this week and what he had to say both encouraged and challenged me. As we talked he could sense that I'm struggling with being fully surrendered to God and trusting His plan instead of my own. He was completely right. God's been allowing me to be in those situations a lot lately- where I feel like a mirror is being held up and parts of me that need to be continually refined are brought to the surface. A lot of times it makes me want to cringe- it's not always fun to face those messy areas, but crazily enough, it's been exciting at the same time. I feel a sense of longing deep inside for change and for growth.
Part of that "looking into the mirror" happened a lot over break. It was a break filled with reunions and I loved it. Seeing friends from high school, my best friends growing up, youth group friends, family, and some of my friends from my semester in Uganda. All of these people have helped shape me and have played an important role in my life. Just to give an example, seeing my friends that I studied abroad with was so refreshing. It was awesome to talk back through our experiences, our lives since being home- sharing both the good and the hard things. There was just something special about being with them- it's like they helped breathe life into me. I left refreshed and reminded of many of the things God showed me during my time in Uganda.
Stepping back and "looking into the mirror" can expose parts of you you didn't realize were there. God can use it to show you areas He wants to mend, to refine, to change, to replace. It's also amazing when those moments reveal to you the ways in which others have touched your lift and how they have left their imprint.
Monday, November 15, 2010
Seeking a whatever attitude
Well it's been about forever....I've thought about writing on here many times but haven't taken the time to sit and write my thoughts out.
This semester has been absolutely nuts, but I love it. I'm learning a lot- about God, about life, about people, and about myself. After coming back from Uganda I never pictured myself as a senior in college living in a freshmen ladies' dorm. I'm not gonna lie it's crazy at times, but I honestly love it and getting to know the ladies on my floor has been so worth it. They are wonderful.
I've caught myself lately worrying about my next step after Bethel. Thinking about it makes my heart race and I have no idea which direction God will lead me in. God has shown me time and time again this semester that I need to have a "whatever" attitude. Not a whatever attitude in the sense that I don't care, but a whatever attitude in the sense that I will do whatever God asks, go wherever He leads, and do it whenever He asks me to. For a long time I thought I was surrendered to God in those areas....but then He showed me that wasn't the case. I was putting parameters on my obedience. While I was saying I'll go and do whatever God asked me to...in the back of my mind it was more like "I'll do "whatever" and go "wherever" as long as it's in the places I want to go.
That reality check really smacked me in the face. God is constantly reminding me that His plans are great and that I can trust Him, and yet I get scared and try to rely on myself. It's a daily process of surrender. While this area of growth is hard, it is SO worth it. I feel Him preparing me for another season of change and I desire to follow Him through it.
Recently I was reading in Isaiah 40. A big part of that chapter talks about God's greatness.
"Who has measured the waters in the hollow of his hand,
or with the breadth of his hand marked off the heavens?
Who has held the dust of the earth in a basket,
or weighed the mountains on the scales
and the hills in a balance?
Who can fathom the Spirit of the LORD,
or instruct the LORD as his counselor?....
Surely the nations are like a drop in a bucket;
they are regarded as dust on the scales;
he weighs the islands as though they were fine dust...
The LORD is the everlasting God,
the Creator of the ends of the earth.
He will not grow tired or weary,
and his understanding no one can fathom.
He gives strength to the weary
and increases the power of the weak.
Even youths grow tired and weary,
and young men stumble and fall;
but those who hope in the LORD
will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint. "
The God of the universe, who is capable of things we cannot even fathom, holds us. He knows it all- sees us inside and out. He sees the big picture. He's got us covered. I find so much comfort in that.
This semester has been absolutely nuts, but I love it. I'm learning a lot- about God, about life, about people, and about myself. After coming back from Uganda I never pictured myself as a senior in college living in a freshmen ladies' dorm. I'm not gonna lie it's crazy at times, but I honestly love it and getting to know the ladies on my floor has been so worth it. They are wonderful.
I've caught myself lately worrying about my next step after Bethel. Thinking about it makes my heart race and I have no idea which direction God will lead me in. God has shown me time and time again this semester that I need to have a "whatever" attitude. Not a whatever attitude in the sense that I don't care, but a whatever attitude in the sense that I will do whatever God asks, go wherever He leads, and do it whenever He asks me to. For a long time I thought I was surrendered to God in those areas....but then He showed me that wasn't the case. I was putting parameters on my obedience. While I was saying I'll go and do whatever God asked me to...in the back of my mind it was more like "I'll do "whatever" and go "wherever" as long as it's in the places I want to go.
That reality check really smacked me in the face. God is constantly reminding me that His plans are great and that I can trust Him, and yet I get scared and try to rely on myself. It's a daily process of surrender. While this area of growth is hard, it is SO worth it. I feel Him preparing me for another season of change and I desire to follow Him through it.
Recently I was reading in Isaiah 40. A big part of that chapter talks about God's greatness.
"Who has measured the waters in the hollow of his hand,
or with the breadth of his hand marked off the heavens?
Who has held the dust of the earth in a basket,
or weighed the mountains on the scales
and the hills in a balance?
Who can fathom the Spirit of the LORD,
or instruct the LORD as his counselor?....
Surely the nations are like a drop in a bucket;
they are regarded as dust on the scales;
he weighs the islands as though they were fine dust...
The LORD is the everlasting God,
the Creator of the ends of the earth.
He will not grow tired or weary,
and his understanding no one can fathom.
He gives strength to the weary
and increases the power of the weak.
Even youths grow tired and weary,
and young men stumble and fall;
but those who hope in the LORD
will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint. "
The God of the universe, who is capable of things we cannot even fathom, holds us. He knows it all- sees us inside and out. He sees the big picture. He's got us covered. I find so much comfort in that.
Sunday, August 1, 2010
Dare to Dream
Do you dream big? I've been asking myself this question a lot in the last few weeks. I had a conversation with a friend a few weeks back and we talked about something they did to help someone someone else and while talking about it they responded, "Yeah, that was back when I thought I could change the world." This statement has stuck with me and has set unsettled in my mind. Why do we so often tell ourselves that we can't be a part of great things that God wants to put in motion?
I know fear and doubt often creep in when we start to question those things or when we shut ourselves down. I'm definitely guilty of it. I often question what I feel God calling me to and refrain from dreaming big. But seriously, we serve the Creator of the universe and NOTHING is too big for Him. I think apathy and complacency are also culprits when it comes to our lack of dreaming big with God and then acting. It makes my heart hurt. God gave us the gifts, resources, and passions He did for a reason.
Lately, I've been blessed to interact with several Christians who are dreaming big. There is a pastor that I met during my time in India this summer and he is faithfully praying bold prayers for God to move and provide. He and his wife are operating two orphanages while raising their own daughters. This pastor opens up his 8x10 living space every Sunday to about 50 faithful believers who gather to worship every Sunday. This man faces persecution and receives little encouragement from his community. He recently emailed me and asked me to pray that God will provide land for him to build a church to minister to 5,000 people. That's dreaming big and praying boldly in faith.
I heard from another Indian missionary tonight who lives on a small island off the coast of Southern India. They recently completed their training center to raise up and disciple Christians. It's taken them 10 yrs to complete it and this building has been a dream for about 30 years. This man has also faced persecution, has watched previous meeting places get burned to the group, and has now built a Christian training center on an island that is considered the 2nd holiest site in for many Hindus. The journey has not been easy, but he has not given up and has been willing to follow God's promptings. You could see his passion and emotion as he spoke about what God is doing in India.
Their passion is almost contagious. It's moved me and made me realize that I want that same kind of passion when it comes to seeking God and living out my faith. It's stirring my heart and making me restless because it makes me so excited.
How often do we allow ourselves to dream BIG dreams and/or pray bold prayers in faith? What do you see when you allow yourself to dream big? Does it scare you? Does it make you pumped? Are you already doubting it could happen and talking yourself out of it?
God's ways are higher than ours and He may call us to things that we never imagined, but it is so worth it. It will require that we lean on Someone else for strength, guidance, provision, vision, and so much more.
Come awake Church, come awake.
God break our hearts for what breaks Yours and plant big dreams in our hearts.
I know fear and doubt often creep in when we start to question those things or when we shut ourselves down. I'm definitely guilty of it. I often question what I feel God calling me to and refrain from dreaming big. But seriously, we serve the Creator of the universe and NOTHING is too big for Him. I think apathy and complacency are also culprits when it comes to our lack of dreaming big with God and then acting. It makes my heart hurt. God gave us the gifts, resources, and passions He did for a reason.
Lately, I've been blessed to interact with several Christians who are dreaming big. There is a pastor that I met during my time in India this summer and he is faithfully praying bold prayers for God to move and provide. He and his wife are operating two orphanages while raising their own daughters. This pastor opens up his 8x10 living space every Sunday to about 50 faithful believers who gather to worship every Sunday. This man faces persecution and receives little encouragement from his community. He recently emailed me and asked me to pray that God will provide land for him to build a church to minister to 5,000 people. That's dreaming big and praying boldly in faith.
I heard from another Indian missionary tonight who lives on a small island off the coast of Southern India. They recently completed their training center to raise up and disciple Christians. It's taken them 10 yrs to complete it and this building has been a dream for about 30 years. This man has also faced persecution, has watched previous meeting places get burned to the group, and has now built a Christian training center on an island that is considered the 2nd holiest site in for many Hindus. The journey has not been easy, but he has not given up and has been willing to follow God's promptings. You could see his passion and emotion as he spoke about what God is doing in India.
Their passion is almost contagious. It's moved me and made me realize that I want that same kind of passion when it comes to seeking God and living out my faith. It's stirring my heart and making me restless because it makes me so excited.
How often do we allow ourselves to dream BIG dreams and/or pray bold prayers in faith? What do you see when you allow yourself to dream big? Does it scare you? Does it make you pumped? Are you already doubting it could happen and talking yourself out of it?
God's ways are higher than ours and He may call us to things that we never imagined, but it is so worth it. It will require that we lean on Someone else for strength, guidance, provision, vision, and so much more.
Come awake Church, come awake.
God break our hearts for what breaks Yours and plant big dreams in our hearts.
Wednesday, June 23, 2010
Break My Heart for What Breaks Yours
So I'm really good at waiting months in between posts. I thought I was going to bed but my mind won't shut off, so I here I sit, in the dark in my room, haha. The biggest thing that's been taking up my brain waves lately has been India. I went on a short there earlier this month and there's so much I could say about what I experienced there. I'll break it into several posts so that I don't write a ginormous novel.
Going into the trip I worried that I might not connect with the place/people like I did with Uganda and wondered if I could feel as at home in another country. God quickly alleviated my fears and as I sat looking out window of our bus as we drove to our hotel. So much of it did remind me of Uganda- the landscape, red dirt, people sitting outside their homes and businesses, the welcoming and generous aspects of the people, the ability to simply be with one another, and the contrast of "progress" and "poverty." It seemed familiar to me and I was quickly reminded of the questions I dealt with during my semester in Uganda. Questions concerning poverty, wondering where the solutions begin, trying to seek God's answers and heart in it all, and the feeling of tension came back.
Throughout the week I worked at Comeback Childrens' Home in Bangalore. I had no idea what to expect as we pulled up to the home on our first day. This children's home is right smack dab in the middle of the hustle and bustle of the slums of Bangalore and one could easily walk past it not knowing what the small home was used for. I'll never forget walking into the building on the first day and seeing 8 sets of eyes looking up at me. The next few days with them were filled with games, songs, Bible lessons, memory verses, crafts, snacks, taking pictures, and trying to love on them as much as I could. It sure kept me on my feet and I remember praying at night, "Lord, fill me up so that you can pour me out. Let them see Your love." And He answered that prayer every day. He is so faithful.
Going into the trip I worried that I might not connect with the place/people like I did with Uganda and wondered if I could feel as at home in another country. God quickly alleviated my fears and as I sat looking out window of our bus as we drove to our hotel. So much of it did remind me of Uganda- the landscape, red dirt, people sitting outside their homes and businesses, the welcoming and generous aspects of the people, the ability to simply be with one another, and the contrast of "progress" and "poverty." It seemed familiar to me and I was quickly reminded of the questions I dealt with during my semester in Uganda. Questions concerning poverty, wondering where the solutions begin, trying to seek God's answers and heart in it all, and the feeling of tension came back.
Throughout the week I worked at Comeback Childrens' Home in Bangalore. I had no idea what to expect as we pulled up to the home on our first day. This children's home is right smack dab in the middle of the hustle and bustle of the slums of Bangalore and one could easily walk past it not knowing what the small home was used for. I'll never forget walking into the building on the first day and seeing 8 sets of eyes looking up at me. The next few days with them were filled with games, songs, Bible lessons, memory verses, crafts, snacks, taking pictures, and trying to love on them as much as I could. It sure kept me on my feet and I remember praying at night, "Lord, fill me up so that you can pour me out. Let them see Your love." And He answered that prayer every day. He is so faithful.
Monday, May 10, 2010
Keep On Keepin' On
So, I've been meaning to update this blog for awhile now. There's a lot running through my mind and since I stink at journaling, so I'll get in down here (especially since my pen can't keep up with my thoughts).
Another semester is under my belt and I sit here in disbelief (a common occurrence nowadays). This semester has been challenging, confusing, and great. Something that thought about a lot this semester is the idea of home. At this stage in my life, I don't know where "home" is. Ok, so I know Heaven is home, but I'm not there yet, haha. I've had a feeling of homelessness, so to speak, and although it's been confusing, it's not a bad feeling. It just is. Is Greenwood home? What about Uganda or Bethel College? It's been a good reminder of what Jesus talks about in Matthew 8. In this life, He may call me to all kinds of places and all kinds of communities and while I may not have a sense of "home," that's ok.
Thinking about all this over the semester also brought thoughts about community. Not gonna lie, during the first 10 or so minutes I was driving away from Bethel for the summer, I cried. It was that "leaving summer camp feeling" or "time to go home from a sleepover" feeling I used to get in middle school...if that makes any sense. Over the past year my community has changed almost every 3-4 months. Last school year I was building stronger relationships with friends at school, then summer came and I came back to friends and family in Greenwood, then I headed to Uganda for 4 months to an entire new community of people both North American and Ugandan, then I came back to the Bethel community but time passed and things changed after not being on campus for 8 months, and now I'm back in Greenwood again. It's like I start to get settled then things are shaken up again. I have people I love all over the world, which is awesome. Dealing with change is not a strength of mine, which is funny to me, considering where I sense God leading me in life. When I am weak, He is strong. God is showing me every step of the way how faithful He is. He's always constant and the changes I experience are not things to fear.
I'm still discovering how I've been growing and changing in the last year. Coming back to school in the U.S. this semester, I knew I was different. I could pin-point a few things that had changed right off the bat, but there was still that sense of not being able to fully put my finger on all of them. They are showing up little by little and the light bulb in my head goes off. Some of the changes I've realized seem crazy to me as I think back to who I was a year ago. The way I look at things, some things I held as important, things that once brought me comfort, and certain understandings have changed. It may not seem like a big deal, but it amazes me.
Another semester is under my belt and I sit here in disbelief (a common occurrence nowadays). This semester has been challenging, confusing, and great. Something that thought about a lot this semester is the idea of home. At this stage in my life, I don't know where "home" is. Ok, so I know Heaven is home, but I'm not there yet, haha. I've had a feeling of homelessness, so to speak, and although it's been confusing, it's not a bad feeling. It just is. Is Greenwood home? What about Uganda or Bethel College? It's been a good reminder of what Jesus talks about in Matthew 8. In this life, He may call me to all kinds of places and all kinds of communities and while I may not have a sense of "home," that's ok.
Thinking about all this over the semester also brought thoughts about community. Not gonna lie, during the first 10 or so minutes I was driving away from Bethel for the summer, I cried. It was that "leaving summer camp feeling" or "time to go home from a sleepover" feeling I used to get in middle school...if that makes any sense. Over the past year my community has changed almost every 3-4 months. Last school year I was building stronger relationships with friends at school, then summer came and I came back to friends and family in Greenwood, then I headed to Uganda for 4 months to an entire new community of people both North American and Ugandan, then I came back to the Bethel community but time passed and things changed after not being on campus for 8 months, and now I'm back in Greenwood again. It's like I start to get settled then things are shaken up again. I have people I love all over the world, which is awesome. Dealing with change is not a strength of mine, which is funny to me, considering where I sense God leading me in life. When I am weak, He is strong. God is showing me every step of the way how faithful He is. He's always constant and the changes I experience are not things to fear.
I'm still discovering how I've been growing and changing in the last year. Coming back to school in the U.S. this semester, I knew I was different. I could pin-point a few things that had changed right off the bat, but there was still that sense of not being able to fully put my finger on all of them. They are showing up little by little and the light bulb in my head goes off. Some of the changes I've realized seem crazy to me as I think back to who I was a year ago. The way I look at things, some things I held as important, things that once brought me comfort, and certain understandings have changed. It may not seem like a big deal, but it amazes me.
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
Time Flies On
Wow. It's been two months, I didn't realize that much time had past since I last wrote on this blog. It's hard for me to keep track of time these days, seriously. I cannot believe I've been home from Uganda for a little more than 3 months now. Really? I still think about Uganda at least once a day. I think about the my family, the kids in my town that followed me home after school almost everyday, about my rural home stay family, the beauty of the simple things, sitting on the veranda watching the sun set and the stars come out, going on little excursions with Denise on the weekends we were home, IMME trips, my classes, the community I lived in and experienced. I'm trying not to romanticize the time I spent there, because it was definitely hard at times and I was pushed in many new ways, but I honestly loved it. You may be reading this and thinking, "Gosh, Kristen it's been 3 months, move on already." But those 4 months changed me, maybe not in huge ways, but it's ingrained in me. I'm different.
I'm learning to live in the present. I used to be the type of person that counted down until the next "big thing" came whether it be the weekend or a break. I also used to try to cling to past and would miss out on life here and now as I wished my time away. I don't think that way anymore and it's freeing. I look at life differently and my priorities have changed. Sure that shift has made focusing on school hard at times, but I'm here for a reason.
I still don't know where God is leading me in the future, but I have peace I'm in the right place right now and I have peace about the future. I could worry about it and have been scared that God is calling me to do things I would deem terrifying and uncomfortable, but I'm reminded of the one I serve. I think many of us have been guilty of thinking that God will only call us into safe situations and that He'll give us all the desires of our heart. In reality, God may call us into situations we would want to run from and some of the desires we have may not match up with the awesome plan He has. God is so good. His timing is perfect.
I'm learning to live in the present. I used to be the type of person that counted down until the next "big thing" came whether it be the weekend or a break. I also used to try to cling to past and would miss out on life here and now as I wished my time away. I don't think that way anymore and it's freeing. I look at life differently and my priorities have changed. Sure that shift has made focusing on school hard at times, but I'm here for a reason.
I still don't know where God is leading me in the future, but I have peace I'm in the right place right now and I have peace about the future. I could worry about it and have been scared that God is calling me to do things I would deem terrifying and uncomfortable, but I'm reminded of the one I serve. I think many of us have been guilty of thinking that God will only call us into safe situations and that He'll give us all the desires of our heart. In reality, God may call us into situations we would want to run from and some of the desires we have may not match up with the awesome plan He has. God is so good. His timing is perfect.
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
My Heart Goes Out
The devastation that has ravaged Haiti is HUGE. Since the initial earthquake, there have been at least 40 aftershocks and there could be more to come. I can't even begin to imagine what going through that would be like. I've read stories, watched video clips, and have looked through so many pictures. My heart hurts. Part of me wants to be like, "Forget school, let's go help!" I'm thankful for all the rescue teams and missionaries that are sticking through it to help those facing devastating, life changing loss. Children are orphaned. Families have been shattered. Homes and businesses lost. Food and water are scarce. Violence and looting have been the cry of desperation.
I keep trying to comprehend what's really happened and what's currently going on. I've been encouraged and challenged by the stories I've heard. Instead of forsaking and turning their backs on God, many Haitians are putting their trust in Him and they continue to praise Him. God has been, is, and will be faithful. Some wonder how a loving God could let this happen. While God may have permitted this to happen, I do know that each and every life lost and affected matters to Him. Each one. He can bring good from the darkest of situations. Think about your own life. Can you think back on some of the hardest times you've gone through and see how God has used them? Those things shape you and God can use them. Have there been people you've been able to help/encourage because of what you've experienced? God can use any situation.
Deep inside I want to be in Haiti to walk beside someone who is hurting or to hold a scared child. But tonight I sit in the library...not motivated to do homework. But I can pray- pray for those who are hurting, those who are facing tragic loss, weary volunteers, and for strength for all to carry on. It's also a time to remember those who are hurting, lonely, and those who are facing battles in their own lives that we encounter every day.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MM-6rm1t9vY
"...the times you're hurting, the times that you heal, the times you go hungry and are tempted to steal, in times of confusion and chaos and pain. He's there in your sorrow...He's there through your heartache, He' there in the storm, His love will keep you by His power alone."
I keep trying to comprehend what's really happened and what's currently going on. I've been encouraged and challenged by the stories I've heard. Instead of forsaking and turning their backs on God, many Haitians are putting their trust in Him and they continue to praise Him. God has been, is, and will be faithful. Some wonder how a loving God could let this happen. While God may have permitted this to happen, I do know that each and every life lost and affected matters to Him. Each one. He can bring good from the darkest of situations. Think about your own life. Can you think back on some of the hardest times you've gone through and see how God has used them? Those things shape you and God can use them. Have there been people you've been able to help/encourage because of what you've experienced? God can use any situation.
Deep inside I want to be in Haiti to walk beside someone who is hurting or to hold a scared child. But tonight I sit in the library...not motivated to do homework. But I can pray- pray for those who are hurting, those who are facing tragic loss, weary volunteers, and for strength for all to carry on. It's also a time to remember those who are hurting, lonely, and those who are facing battles in their own lives that we encounter every day.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MM-6rm1t9vY
"...the times you're hurting, the times that you heal, the times you go hungry and are tempted to steal, in times of confusion and chaos and pain. He's there in your sorrow...He's there through your heartache, He' there in the storm, His love will keep you by His power alone."
Sunday, January 17, 2010
Looking Back
Just a few of my videos from my time in Uganda and Rwanda:
This was during our ride to be dropped off at our homestays.
My first big rain storm in Mukono. This one scared me, but I grew to love them.
During our time in Rwanda, we went to some local churches. Betty was our translator. She's such a beautiful, joyful person. This is Betty singing Amazing Grace in the van after church.
Karen (my cousin) and her friends Faith and Keith dancing. This was during my rural home stay in Kapchorwa.
I visited my mom's primary school one day. Her class sang to me :)
This was during our ride to be dropped off at our homestays.
My first big rain storm in Mukono. This one scared me, but I grew to love them.
During our time in Rwanda, we went to some local churches. Betty was our translator. She's such a beautiful, joyful person. This is Betty singing Amazing Grace in the van after church.
Karen (my cousin) and her friends Faith and Keith dancing. This was during my rural home stay in Kapchorwa.
I visited my mom's primary school one day. Her class sang to me :)
Thursday, January 7, 2010
Lately
So it's been a couple weeks since I've posted and I went from being home on break back to college life. It all feels surreal and sometimes Uganda seems like a dream. It's been a weird stage to be in. I love being with my family and friends at home but at the same time I deeply miss my family and friends in Uganda. Too bad life isn't more like Startrek and we could be instantly transported to other places. "Beam me up, Jesus!" Ok so it doens't work that way....haha.
Coming back to school has been a roller coaster of emotions. It's awesome to get reconnected with my friends that I missed so much while I was gone. But it's also strange to step back into a life I haven't experienced in 8 months. Classes started today and I found myself feeling so distant and missing Uganda. I'm trying my best to be present and to stay tuned in with the here and now. I shouldn't live in the past b/c I'll miss what's right in front of me, but I need to learn how to incorporate all I learned and experienced in Uganda into the person I am now.
A word that we heard a lot in the beginning and end of our program was tension. That word has continued to pop in situations I find myself in, thoughts I have, and in questions I'm trying to find answers to. Tension isn't always a bad thing and it's usually present in times of change.
Tension.
Being tempted to slide back into my old ways and knowing the person God is calling me to be.
Tension.
Seeing and experiencing issues that seem hopeless and wondering what my role is.
Tension.
Coming home to wonderful friends and family, yet missing those I grew to love in Uganda.
Tension.
Seeking God's heart for His direction and knowing that those answers usually aren't instant.
Tension.
Wanting so badly to hold onto all I saw and those I met in Uganda, yet it's starting to feel like a dream.
Tension.
HIV/AIDS. Poverty. Starvation and Malnutrition. Watching a man who was dying in a hospital. Orphans. Corruption. Learning about those issues and putting real faces to them and also realizing there are people facing the same issues back home.
Tension.
Trying to figure out what is the best way to help and yet wondering if our methods are hurting those we seek to aid.
Tension.
Trying to apply presence, community, hospitality, real compassion, and a slower pace of life in a place where things tend to be much of the opposite.
Tension.
Getting to see God's heart and knowing He was in and working in all those situations before I knew of them. Knowing He has a plan, for good.
Hope.
Coming back to school has been a roller coaster of emotions. It's awesome to get reconnected with my friends that I missed so much while I was gone. But it's also strange to step back into a life I haven't experienced in 8 months. Classes started today and I found myself feeling so distant and missing Uganda. I'm trying my best to be present and to stay tuned in with the here and now. I shouldn't live in the past b/c I'll miss what's right in front of me, but I need to learn how to incorporate all I learned and experienced in Uganda into the person I am now.
A word that we heard a lot in the beginning and end of our program was tension. That word has continued to pop in situations I find myself in, thoughts I have, and in questions I'm trying to find answers to. Tension isn't always a bad thing and it's usually present in times of change.
Tension.
Being tempted to slide back into my old ways and knowing the person God is calling me to be.
Tension.
Seeing and experiencing issues that seem hopeless and wondering what my role is.
Tension.
Coming home to wonderful friends and family, yet missing those I grew to love in Uganda.
Tension.
Seeking God's heart for His direction and knowing that those answers usually aren't instant.
Tension.
Wanting so badly to hold onto all I saw and those I met in Uganda, yet it's starting to feel like a dream.
Tension.
HIV/AIDS. Poverty. Starvation and Malnutrition. Watching a man who was dying in a hospital. Orphans. Corruption. Learning about those issues and putting real faces to them and also realizing there are people facing the same issues back home.
Tension.
Trying to figure out what is the best way to help and yet wondering if our methods are hurting those we seek to aid.
Tension.
Trying to apply presence, community, hospitality, real compassion, and a slower pace of life in a place where things tend to be much of the opposite.
Tension.
Getting to see God's heart and knowing He was in and working in all those situations before I knew of them. Knowing He has a plan, for good.
Hope.
Saturday, December 19, 2009
Back Home Again in Indiana
So after 3 days of travel, 20ish hours on a plane and 24 hrs worth of layovers, I'm home. Getting home sure was a journey. I was supposed to get home late Wednesday night but things did not go as planned. Danielle, Kristina, and I boarded the plane and sat there for over an hour only to be told that a hydraulic part of the plane was not working right...so flying was a no go. Not gonna lie, at that point I was super tired and frustrated. We went back inside and were given hotel rooms at the Hilton and tickets home for the next day. I went from Uganda to the Hilton and it was a shock. They put me in a room with two beds, a flat screen tv, 2 telephones, a flushing toilet (complete with TP), and a shower. I didn't know what to do with myself, so I took my first American shower and slept.
Being home feels surreal. I think I'm starting to feel the first bits of "homelessness." I understand that I'm "home" but home doesn't quite feel the same. It's been awesome getting to see my family. I drove for the first time in 4 months yesterday... and I didn't die! Awesome. I woke up at 5:30 this morning and was starving and realized that it was 1:30 pm aka lunch time in Uganda. This was a funny and sad realization and I ate a handful of peanuts and went back to bed.
Today was not a day to rest and I got up and went to the travel doctor. I got checked out head to toe and was sent to the hospital to get bloodwork done. I also got sent home with not one but THREE stool samples to fill, no joke. They gave me some awesome "hats" to fill....oh and get this, I have to turn in the samples within one hour of filling them, if you get what I'm saying and I'm not allowed to do them all at one time. I get to dump and run three times this week, haha.
It's not that kinda "hat."
Being home feels surreal. I think I'm starting to feel the first bits of "homelessness." I understand that I'm "home" but home doesn't quite feel the same. It's been awesome getting to see my family. I drove for the first time in 4 months yesterday... and I didn't die! Awesome. I woke up at 5:30 this morning and was starving and realized that it was 1:30 pm aka lunch time in Uganda. This was a funny and sad realization and I ate a handful of peanuts and went back to bed.
Today was not a day to rest and I got up and went to the travel doctor. I got checked out head to toe and was sent to the hospital to get bloodwork done. I also got sent home with not one but THREE stool samples to fill, no joke. They gave me some awesome "hats" to fill....oh and get this, I have to turn in the samples within one hour of filling them, if you get what I'm saying and I'm not allowed to do them all at one time. I get to dump and run three times this week, haha.
It's not that kinda "hat."
Thursday, December 10, 2009
Hello, Goodbye
So this is my last post from Uganda…crazy.
Our farewell party is tonight. Tomorrow they pick up our things. Saturday we leave for Entebbe and then we fly out on Tuesday night. And THEN I touch down in Indy late on Wednesday.
I’m going to miss Uganda, but I’m going to miss my new family and friends even more. Today as Denise and I walked to school the little kids (the posse) ran up to us and they held our hands (or whatever they could reach) as we walked up the hill to school. As I walked with them it really hit me that I only have today and tomorrow with them and my my family. I’m really going to miss it. Uganda is a beautiful place. This has been a great experience and I don’t want to leave it at that. I want to apply what I’ve learned to my life back in the U.S.
But I’m pumped to come back to the U.S. It will be amazing to see family and friends that I’ve missed so much this semester. I’m looking forward to my first U.S. shower, flushing a toilet, and eating a lot of vegetables, for real, haha. I’m nervous about driving again after not sitting in a driver’s seat for about 4 months and living in a place where I’ve gotten accustomed to being on the left side of the road. I’m so excited for Christmas and being with family. I’m also really excited to go to the travel doctor and see if there’s anything new living in my body (which I’m pretty sure there is). Not gonna lie, I think it would be awesome to be able to say that I’ve had an amoeba/parasite, haha.
So in 6 days and in 3 flights from now I’ll be back. I’m interested to see what shocks me about being back, besides the freezing cold. I may look like a tourist in my own country for a day or so. So if I do or say funny things, feel free to laugh at me, haha.
And Mom if you read this, don’t forget my winter coat!
Our farewell party is tonight. Tomorrow they pick up our things. Saturday we leave for Entebbe and then we fly out on Tuesday night. And THEN I touch down in Indy late on Wednesday.
I’m going to miss Uganda, but I’m going to miss my new family and friends even more. Today as Denise and I walked to school the little kids (the posse) ran up to us and they held our hands (or whatever they could reach) as we walked up the hill to school. As I walked with them it really hit me that I only have today and tomorrow with them and my my family. I’m really going to miss it. Uganda is a beautiful place. This has been a great experience and I don’t want to leave it at that. I want to apply what I’ve learned to my life back in the U.S.
But I’m pumped to come back to the U.S. It will be amazing to see family and friends that I’ve missed so much this semester. I’m looking forward to my first U.S. shower, flushing a toilet, and eating a lot of vegetables, for real, haha. I’m nervous about driving again after not sitting in a driver’s seat for about 4 months and living in a place where I’ve gotten accustomed to being on the left side of the road. I’m so excited for Christmas and being with family. I’m also really excited to go to the travel doctor and see if there’s anything new living in my body (which I’m pretty sure there is). Not gonna lie, I think it would be awesome to be able to say that I’ve had an amoeba/parasite, haha.
So in 6 days and in 3 flights from now I’ll be back. I’m interested to see what shocks me about being back, besides the freezing cold. I may look like a tourist in my own country for a day or so. So if I do or say funny things, feel free to laugh at me, haha.
And Mom if you read this, don’t forget my winter coat!
Sunday, December 6, 2009
Life...ba da ba ba ba, I'm lovin' it (Get it? It's like the McD's commercial...)
I think I'm starting a new trend in my life...writing blogs and putting off my work. Oh wait a second, I've done this my whole life, haha.
Today is offically my last Monday at UCU and I'm heading in the last week with my family. I'm not sure what to think about it. While I'm excited to go home, I'm nervous. Nervous about the transitions back into the culture, nervous about things that have changed while I've been gone. But worrying won't get me anywhere, so I'm going to go with the flow when I get back and take things a step at a time.
If you would have asked me 3 months ago if I would be sad to leave Uganda I probably would have said no and I never would have believed I would have gotten to the opposite extreme. I'm not counting down the days anymore because I know how short a time I have left. I've been reminded about how I almost always count down to things. I'm always looking forward to the next big thing that I forget to live each day fully. But as for the rest of my time here, I want to focus on the here and now. Home will come soon enough.
Last night we had 10 visitors from the Anglican church over to our house for tea and dinner. Three of them were from the UK and had gone to a Christmas Program in Kampala. Denise, my sister Judith, and I helped serve while our brothers hid outside in the dark waiting to be fed, trying to avoid any interaction with the visitors.
Things like this make me love my Ugandan family. I love the way my mom is so quiet but she has a funny, stubborn side. Yesterday she got tired of our dad being on the phone so when he wasn't looking, she hid it. He was searching the house for it and she didn't say a thing, haha. I love the way my dad talks about how we can show our future in-laws our Ugandan hospitality/cooking skills and how we should kneel for our parents in the airport when we get home. I love talking with my brother Brian, chasing him down the hallway at our house, and listening to him sing throughout the day. I love being with my sister Judith, listening to her laugh, and just talking about random things with her. I love watching my brother Simon rock out to music videos when he thinks no one is watching and the high pitched voice he uses when he talks to us. I love when our cousin Defus comes home each night on our family's boda boda and knowing that he'll be taking care of the chickens every morning when I get up.
Life here is great and I’m soakin’ it in. Family and friends back home, I love and miss you. See you soon :)
Today is offically my last Monday at UCU and I'm heading in the last week with my family. I'm not sure what to think about it. While I'm excited to go home, I'm nervous. Nervous about the transitions back into the culture, nervous about things that have changed while I've been gone. But worrying won't get me anywhere, so I'm going to go with the flow when I get back and take things a step at a time.
If you would have asked me 3 months ago if I would be sad to leave Uganda I probably would have said no and I never would have believed I would have gotten to the opposite extreme. I'm not counting down the days anymore because I know how short a time I have left. I've been reminded about how I almost always count down to things. I'm always looking forward to the next big thing that I forget to live each day fully. But as for the rest of my time here, I want to focus on the here and now. Home will come soon enough.
Last night we had 10 visitors from the Anglican church over to our house for tea and dinner. Three of them were from the UK and had gone to a Christmas Program in Kampala. Denise, my sister Judith, and I helped serve while our brothers hid outside in the dark waiting to be fed, trying to avoid any interaction with the visitors.
Things like this make me love my Ugandan family. I love the way my mom is so quiet but she has a funny, stubborn side. Yesterday she got tired of our dad being on the phone so when he wasn't looking, she hid it. He was searching the house for it and she didn't say a thing, haha. I love the way my dad talks about how we can show our future in-laws our Ugandan hospitality/cooking skills and how we should kneel for our parents in the airport when we get home. I love talking with my brother Brian, chasing him down the hallway at our house, and listening to him sing throughout the day. I love being with my sister Judith, listening to her laugh, and just talking about random things with her. I love watching my brother Simon rock out to music videos when he thinks no one is watching and the high pitched voice he uses when he talks to us. I love when our cousin Defus comes home each night on our family's boda boda and knowing that he'll be taking care of the chickens every morning when I get up.
Life here is great and I’m soakin’ it in. Family and friends back home, I love and miss you. See you soon :)
Monday, November 30, 2009
Reaching the peak- throw your hands up
So 16 days until I fly home....crazy! I'm at the stage where I'm super excited to go home but where I'm loving Uganda (minus the writing papers part, haha). I feel like I'm climbing the top to the peak of the roller coaster and about to fly down the other side. Once I get all my papers down...the sliding down the other side with my arms in the air starts. Last night Denise and I made dinner for our family. Denise is a great cook and we made homemade tortillas, 2 kilograms of meat (I have no idea how much that is in pounds, haha), homemade refried beans, spanish rice, guacamole, toppings for our tacos (lettuce and tomatoes), and fresh pineapple. We cooked it all on two small charcoal stoves- it kinda felt like we were camping. Anyways, our meal was a hit and I'm pretty sure our family was shocked that we could actually cook something edible. They saved the leftovers for breakfast and lunch today, haha.
Tomorrow (Dec. 1st) is World AIDS Day. We've been learning a lot about HIV/AIDS here at school and the sermon at church yesterday was dedicated to it. Everyone is Uganda has been affected by AIDS, whether they themselves are battling it or have a family member or friend living with it or that has passed away. AIDS is a monster that is wiping out a huge section of the young adult/middle age generation leaving many children behind. You've got grandparents raising their grandchildren or child-headed homes. Last Friday I went on a fieldtrip to Mildmay hospital where they treat HIV/AIDS patients. It was a Muslim holiday so there were no patients coming in for treatment but we did get to see the children's ward. That was tough, especially knowing that those children got HIV/AIDS from their mothers or through sexual abuse. Treatment at Mildmay is free, which I think is awesome because medical treatment is not an attainable thing for many low income families, especially when ARVs are needed.
So I'm not sure how much everyone knows about the conflict that has gone on in northern Uganda and southern Sudan considering the LRA, child soldiers, and Joseph Kony, but it's terrible. If you want to learn more you should check out www.invisiblechildren.com. Anyways, the church I attend in Kampala brought in women from Gulu who had all been abducted by the LRA as small girls and that were all HIV positive. One woman was named Evelynn. She was a beautiful 27 year old woman who revealed to us that she had been abducted when she was 12 yrs old. She was given to a much older man as a wife and she had 3 of his children. This man was Joseph Kony. For real, this woman had been one of Joseph Kony's wives while she was kept there in captivity for 11 years. One of her children was lost during the war and a second child was lost during their escape. She doesn't know whether that child is dead or alive. It was amazing to see how God had transformed her life and how He's healing all the hurt she endured. One of the officials of Gulu came and spoke as well saying that millions and millions of dollars have been poured into Gulu...but that most of it has not brought about change. Sure you can build a community center but what good is it if you don't address the emotional and spiritual needs of broken people?
On a lighter note it's grasshopper season here and last week it looked like the plague. Children here go nuts and run around hunting them down...to fry and eat. Apparently they are really good, but I haven't had the chance to try them, so sad. Not, haha. Those things fly around and hit you in the face and I'm not going to lie they are terrifying in the squatty potties as you pray that they don't fly on you while you're in there. Our family's cat found a dead chicken into the house the other night. It was gross and smelled worse than it looked as the cat was chewing on it. My brother Brian and I collaborated and we've named the cat Stupid (Brian's contribution) Kevin (my idea). So Stupid Kevin once again is on bad terms with my family.
I can tell I've been in Uganda for a while. I've worn my flip-flop Teva's all the way through the soles. I've tried duck tape to repair them...but they leak really bad when it rains, haha. Oh well, I got my money out of them and have walked many many miles in them in the past 3 and a half-ish months.
Tomorrow (Dec. 1st) is World AIDS Day. We've been learning a lot about HIV/AIDS here at school and the sermon at church yesterday was dedicated to it. Everyone is Uganda has been affected by AIDS, whether they themselves are battling it or have a family member or friend living with it or that has passed away. AIDS is a monster that is wiping out a huge section of the young adult/middle age generation leaving many children behind. You've got grandparents raising their grandchildren or child-headed homes. Last Friday I went on a fieldtrip to Mildmay hospital where they treat HIV/AIDS patients. It was a Muslim holiday so there were no patients coming in for treatment but we did get to see the children's ward. That was tough, especially knowing that those children got HIV/AIDS from their mothers or through sexual abuse. Treatment at Mildmay is free, which I think is awesome because medical treatment is not an attainable thing for many low income families, especially when ARVs are needed.
So I'm not sure how much everyone knows about the conflict that has gone on in northern Uganda and southern Sudan considering the LRA, child soldiers, and Joseph Kony, but it's terrible. If you want to learn more you should check out www.invisiblechildren.com. Anyways, the church I attend in Kampala brought in women from Gulu who had all been abducted by the LRA as small girls and that were all HIV positive. One woman was named Evelynn. She was a beautiful 27 year old woman who revealed to us that she had been abducted when she was 12 yrs old. She was given to a much older man as a wife and she had 3 of his children. This man was Joseph Kony. For real, this woman had been one of Joseph Kony's wives while she was kept there in captivity for 11 years. One of her children was lost during the war and a second child was lost during their escape. She doesn't know whether that child is dead or alive. It was amazing to see how God had transformed her life and how He's healing all the hurt she endured. One of the officials of Gulu came and spoke as well saying that millions and millions of dollars have been poured into Gulu...but that most of it has not brought about change. Sure you can build a community center but what good is it if you don't address the emotional and spiritual needs of broken people?
On a lighter note it's grasshopper season here and last week it looked like the plague. Children here go nuts and run around hunting them down...to fry and eat. Apparently they are really good, but I haven't had the chance to try them, so sad. Not, haha. Those things fly around and hit you in the face and I'm not going to lie they are terrifying in the squatty potties as you pray that they don't fly on you while you're in there. Our family's cat found a dead chicken into the house the other night. It was gross and smelled worse than it looked as the cat was chewing on it. My brother Brian and I collaborated and we've named the cat Stupid (Brian's contribution) Kevin (my idea). So Stupid Kevin once again is on bad terms with my family.
I can tell I've been in Uganda for a while. I've worn my flip-flop Teva's all the way through the soles. I've tried duck tape to repair them...but they leak really bad when it rains, haha. Oh well, I got my money out of them and have walked many many miles in them in the past 3 and a half-ish months.
Tuesday, November 24, 2009
Remembering
A year ago today I lost my Grandpa Hopewell. I can't believe how quickly that year has gone by, but I remember that day so clearly in my mind. It's was probably one of the hardest days that I've experienced, but I wouldn't have chosen to be anywhere else than besides that hospital room. I still remember that the last thing he said to me was " I love you hon."
I still remember the sound of his voice, his laugh, hugging him every Tuesday night after our weekly dinners, and hearing him yell at sports games on TV. I miss it. I miss his stories, his stubborn, funny personality, and just being with him.
I also remember realizing the week that he died how important my family is and how thankful I am for them. I remember being so thankful for the friends who listened to my constant phone calls and for those who came to be with me that week.
I remember praying so hard that week that my grandpa would be healed. And he was, just not in the way that I intended. God is good, merciful, loving, compassionate, and His plans are right. I'm thankful that my grandpa is fully healed and no longer suffering. I'm most thankful that death for believers isn't goodbye, but see you in a little while.
I still remember the sound of his voice, his laugh, hugging him every Tuesday night after our weekly dinners, and hearing him yell at sports games on TV. I miss it. I miss his stories, his stubborn, funny personality, and just being with him.
I also remember realizing the week that he died how important my family is and how thankful I am for them. I remember being so thankful for the friends who listened to my constant phone calls and for those who came to be with me that week.
I remember praying so hard that week that my grandpa would be healed. And he was, just not in the way that I intended. God is good, merciful, loving, compassionate, and His plans are right. I'm thankful that my grandpa is fully healed and no longer suffering. I'm most thankful that death for believers isn't goodbye, but see you in a little while.
Sunday, November 22, 2009
More than Pilgrim hats and Turkey
So I should be working on my ethics paper right now…but I’d rather do this. (shh, don’t tell my professor) To redeem myself a little, I already finished one paper this morning, so I deserve a break, right?
This past weekend our IMME group drove more than 6 hours to the Rakai district (where they believe HIV/AIDS may have originated) near the border of Tanzania to Kibale. We stayed at the Kibale Community Center and got to hear about the ministry of the missionaries there. It was a great weekend and we had a lot of down time, which was super nice. I feel like I’ve been going non-stop since August. It was great to just hang out with friends. I’m so thankful for everyone in the IMME group. It’s sad that we’ll be heading in all directions in about 3 weeks, but I’m also thankful that I’ll get to see my family and friends.
Thanksgiving is this week and we’re celebrating here at UCU. All the students in the program and staff are gathering for our own Thanksgiving. I’m excited. : ) So in this time of remembering what I’m thankful for, here’s a quick run-down (because Thanksgiving is about more than construction paper pilgrims hats, turkeys, food comas, and football):
*Those back home who take the time to check in with me, it means a lot.
*My friends and family
*Watching the sun rise every morning as I get ready for school
*Going home each night to my wonderful family
*My mom’s matooke- I really like that stuff now
*The little kids in my village that are just as excited to see us now as they were 3 months ago
*Squatty potties, for real they’re great
*Watching La Tormenta with my brother Brian (crazy Spanish soap-opera dubbed over in English)
*Random trips into Kampala
*The fact that it rains almost every day-I love watching the storms roll in
*Banana, pineapple smoothies
*That I haven’t died riding in the taxis here or been hit by a car when I run across busy roads
*For all that I’ve learned this semester
*Washing machines, showers, microwaves, and Boy Meets World re-runs
*Laughing
*That I’m not being given up on despite my shortfalls and mistakes
Ok time to write paper number 2 for today...
This past weekend our IMME group drove more than 6 hours to the Rakai district (where they believe HIV/AIDS may have originated) near the border of Tanzania to Kibale. We stayed at the Kibale Community Center and got to hear about the ministry of the missionaries there. It was a great weekend and we had a lot of down time, which was super nice. I feel like I’ve been going non-stop since August. It was great to just hang out with friends. I’m so thankful for everyone in the IMME group. It’s sad that we’ll be heading in all directions in about 3 weeks, but I’m also thankful that I’ll get to see my family and friends.
Thanksgiving is this week and we’re celebrating here at UCU. All the students in the program and staff are gathering for our own Thanksgiving. I’m excited. : ) So in this time of remembering what I’m thankful for, here’s a quick run-down (because Thanksgiving is about more than construction paper pilgrims hats, turkeys, food comas, and football):
*Those back home who take the time to check in with me, it means a lot.
*My friends and family
*Watching the sun rise every morning as I get ready for school
*Going home each night to my wonderful family
*My mom’s matooke- I really like that stuff now
*The little kids in my village that are just as excited to see us now as they were 3 months ago
*Squatty potties, for real they’re great
*Watching La Tormenta with my brother Brian (crazy Spanish soap-opera dubbed over in English)
*Random trips into Kampala
*The fact that it rains almost every day-I love watching the storms roll in
*Banana, pineapple smoothies
*That I haven’t died riding in the taxis here or been hit by a car when I run across busy roads
*For all that I’ve learned this semester
*Washing machines, showers, microwaves, and Boy Meets World re-runs
*Laughing
*That I’m not being given up on despite my shortfalls and mistakes
Ok time to write paper number 2 for today...
Sunday, November 15, 2009
Random Thoughts
*I can now catch a taxi, ride it to Kampala, and I know how to make it stop, haha. (you either yell "conductor" or tap the inside of the taxi)
*Taxis are nuts- the taxi I took yesterday hit 2 other taxis and didn't even stop.
*Getting lost walking around Kampala isn't a big deal and doesn't scare me anymore.
*I now say "mmmmm" (the Ugandan way) for yes instead of "mhmmm"
*Elderly Ugandans always make me smile
*Ugandan women are beautiful no matter what their age. They do so much, work so hard, and do what they can for their families- I have a lot of respect for them.
*I'm learning to embrace my "mzungu"(white person) title, but I still like to shout "Oleyotia, moodu gavu!"(Hello, black man) back at the boda boda drivers that call me mzungu- don't worry, they laugh.
*It feels weird to wear jeans b/c it actually shows that I have 2 legs....starting to really enjoy skirts.
*There are nominal Christians wherever you go.
*There are so many more Muslims in Ugandan that I ever thought. Sometimes I can hear the mosque's call to prayer from my house.
*I can now cross the busy main roads w/o running and screaming every time. It's like a real-life game of Frogger.
*When I hear the word "toilet" I automatically think of a squatty potty.
*I get really excited when I hear American songs on the radio even if they're old songs from the '80s and '90s that I never liked before.
*I look forward to eating my mom's matooke for dinner. My favorite soup to put on top is cowpea soup....they are like peas
*I miss working out. Once when I was doing sit-ups on my bedroom floor my mom walked in and said, "Eghhhh Kristen, you want to kill yourself?" haha
*Cups are a necessity for washing hair when bucket bathing.
*It sometimes feels weird to see other "mzungus" in town, especially in Mukono.
*When I eat "American" style food now, it really messes me up. Adjusting back home will sure be an adventure, haha.
*I wish the U.S. had Fanta Passion (passion fruit soda). It's my fave.
*I'm starting to like Top Up (runny ketchup wannabe) over Heinz.
*Even babies over here can bust a move- they've completely got me beat.
*Taxis are nuts- the taxi I took yesterday hit 2 other taxis and didn't even stop.
*Getting lost walking around Kampala isn't a big deal and doesn't scare me anymore.
*I now say "mmmmm" (the Ugandan way) for yes instead of "mhmmm"
*Elderly Ugandans always make me smile
*Ugandan women are beautiful no matter what their age. They do so much, work so hard, and do what they can for their families- I have a lot of respect for them.
*I'm learning to embrace my "mzungu"(white person) title, but I still like to shout "Oleyotia, moodu gavu!"(Hello, black man) back at the boda boda drivers that call me mzungu- don't worry, they laugh.
*It feels weird to wear jeans b/c it actually shows that I have 2 legs....starting to really enjoy skirts.
*There are nominal Christians wherever you go.
*There are so many more Muslims in Ugandan that I ever thought. Sometimes I can hear the mosque's call to prayer from my house.
*I can now cross the busy main roads w/o running and screaming every time. It's like a real-life game of Frogger.
*When I hear the word "toilet" I automatically think of a squatty potty.
*I get really excited when I hear American songs on the radio even if they're old songs from the '80s and '90s that I never liked before.
*I look forward to eating my mom's matooke for dinner. My favorite soup to put on top is cowpea soup....they are like peas
*I miss working out. Once when I was doing sit-ups on my bedroom floor my mom walked in and said, "Eghhhh Kristen, you want to kill yourself?" haha
*Cups are a necessity for washing hair when bucket bathing.
*It sometimes feels weird to see other "mzungus" in town, especially in Mukono.
*When I eat "American" style food now, it really messes me up. Adjusting back home will sure be an adventure, haha.
*I wish the U.S. had Fanta Passion (passion fruit soda). It's my fave.
*I'm starting to like Top Up (runny ketchup wannabe) over Heinz.
*Even babies over here can bust a move- they've completely got me beat.
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